The Alician Times

Dismayed

2012-02-08T23:45:00.002+08:00

For the past many days, I've lived in utter disappointment, just being over-sensitive to any event that rings negative to me. Been disappointed for a while that neither Blue Tide nor my role in Hentak Kaki is being chosen to compete in the Singapore Short Film Awards. Today I got reminded of the awards and that upset me quite a bit. I remember I used to say that awards and whatever earthly gain film could bring you are pretty much nothing and short-lived. Turns out that awards do go a long way.

Remembered my quiet time last Sunday too that challenged me to be a "doormat". Basically, "it is one thing to follow God's way of service if you are regarded as a hero, but quite another thing if the road marked out for you by God requires becoming a 'doormat' under other people's feet." That is so true. Service is so easy if you're regarded as a hero but extremely hard if no one seem to care, let alone step over your head to get higher. I definitely don't feel heroic at all, in fact, it is being left out, left behind, lousy, dejected, far from joy. Then the challenge question came. "Are you ready to be sacrificed like that? Are you ready to be less than a mere drop in the bucket - to be so totally insignificant that no one remembers you even if they think of those u served?"

Somehow I feel like God is saying, "Nah. You're not gonna get a single award. Its the people whom you serve that'll get it." I feel really disappointed and at the same time resigned somehow. Because I don't find myself facing any light at the end of the tunnel. I should stop hoping and forget something that's never going to happen. I feel lonely, left-out or under-achieved in the midst of the award winners and nominees. Rather be by myself.

Bitter Heart

2012-02-03T23:21:00.003+08:00

I feel like I've been defeated many times. It's the same old thing, where circumstances and events just prove that you have no value. These days, people come to me to get to the great director that's closely associated to me. As usual, these people hold higher value as directors. All you need to do is make one kick-ass film that wins itself an award somewhere and people will just flock to you. Never mind the twenty other people who slogged their guts out. They're just technical crew. All that matters is the director. He's the ONLY brain behind the film. Everyone else is basically nothing. The raves about a film goes only to the director. The job prospects only go to the director.

These days, I'm tired of having people receive credit for my work. Tired of being able to count the number of people who appreciate my artistic quality as a 'non-director' with one hand. Tired of Blue Tide being rejected all over the place. We didn't get selected for Singapore Short Film Awards. It is a disappointment, not a big one but still a disappointment.

I'm really bitter and I refuse, call it pride, but I refuse to ride on the popularity of another person to gain support. I believe in the individual's work speaking for itself. I'm just not given credit for it because only directors are the royal highnesses in the industry. Right now, I'm basically feeling the brunt of it and its putting me in a pretty bad mood these days. I've noticed that producers are made the scapegoats for everything that goes wrong on set. And after that, when the film earns some credit, they get none of it, despite all the crap they went through to make sure the film gets made.

Sometimes I wonder if I should've stuck to my previous job. By now, I'd probably have enough to afford a house. I'm paying a huge price just because one day I decided that film is the way to go for me. I'm a first class honours student earning less than 2 grand, I'm constantly exploited as a producer, I've been referred to not as me but as someone else's producer or editor or . And that someone else, would be the director. I'm not receiving support because what I do is "a waste of time". I've been working long hours and I might actually be paid less than a dollar per hour on average but whatever I do brings in shit loads of money or fame for some people.

It seems really hard applying the contentment theory here. Be thankful you have much and be thankful also when you have little. It's hard to be thankful when some else is given credit for your work and becomes esteemed way above you. It's hard enough to make me even want to think twice about being a founder of the company along with the rest of them. I'll just have to keep going through the mental stigma of being shoved aside, as usual. Editors, producers, sound people, who cares bout them.

Now's just trying to be fueled by passion and sense of calling rather than bitterness to excel.

Cherry Blossoms

2012-01-29T17:50:00.003+08:00

This is totally CNY, cherry blossoms being the decorative flowers for the festive season. The sketch is roughly adapted from a photograph of cherry blossoms I took at the Flower Show at Sentosa some years back.

This pretty much conclude my very quiet CNY this year, with many families not partaking in this year's celebration due to death or decision to celebrate overseas.

Nevertheless, may this year be a prosperous one.

Not so chocolaty shortbread

2012-01-07T00:21:00.002+08:00

This was the second variation of shortbread I tried for Christmas. Perhaps there wasn't enough cocoa powder added so the chocolate didn't come across strong.

I find somehow that baking can be therapeutic and a hassle at the same time. But good results are always satisfying. I'm beginning to master a bit of the art of modifying baking recipes which can be a real headache because baking requires precision mostly.

But definitely, we'll see more cookies. It is my current baking obsession.

Portfolio

2012-01-04T20:25:00.003+08:00

I never managed to complete everything in my website. Being plagued with flu is my excuse. It was meant to be totally done during the holidays. But I guess it's high time I put this up. It should be on my side bar too.

My Days of Christmas

2011-12-28T18:00:00.002+08:00

On the first day of Christmas, the weather gave to me, a fever of 39 degrees.
On the second day of Christmas, the weather gave to me, a blocked and runny nose, and a fever of 39 degrees.
On the third day of Christmas, the weather gave to me, a nauseating stomach, a blocked and runny nose, and a fever of 39 degrees.
On the fourth day of Christmas, the weather gave to me, a sore throat and a cough, a nauseating stomach, a blocked and runny nose, and a fever of 39 degrees.

Oh how long O Lord will you take this wretched flu from me... T_T

Cranberry Cookies

2011-12-23T00:08:00.003+08:00

For some reason, I wasn't so particularly keen on Christmas this year. But the hymns and carols sort of brought the spirit back a bit. So here's a little sneak of what I decided to give for Christmas.

It's my first attempt at slice and bake cookies and thankfully it didn't turn out disastrous. But neither was it fantastically, awesomely delicious. Personally I think its fine, but many may not think it sweet enough. The sugar needs to be balanced according to how sweet the dried cranberries are.

Wild flowers of the field

2011-12-17T20:11:00.004+08:00

I remember taking this picture in Level 1 for a photography assignment. And that was one of the first times I ever used a DSLR. Film school really does force you to go far with the camera. This was one of my favourites because I got all excited capturing the bee. The sketch though didn't turn out as well. Ah well, practice practice.

Back to Drawing

2011-12-08T23:11:00.003+08:00

One of my Christmas presents last year was this drawing book that looks like it has 5000 pages. Probably more. It is timely I guess for the fact that I've been thinking of practicing drawing especially storyboarding with pencils, crayons and ink. Don't really fancy oil paint and water colours at the moment. So it's back to practicing sketching and shading primarily but what I need to learn is to draw humans and facial expressions. So I'm starting by sketching from photographs I've taken over the years. This really stunning white flower was taken during winter in Perth.

The Year is Endinggg

2011-12-04T13:59:00.004+08:00

It's so quick it's scary. It's December. Again.

I've been a little happier and optimistic this month. I guess it's all in the mind. A combination of looking forward to the film house taking off and a little happier life from more reading and drawing time, away from computers. The prospect of that just makes me happy.

But before December ends, there're so many things to accomplish.

Visit the dentist.
Cut my hair.
Clean my room.
Go swimming.
Be a Screenwriter's Association member.
Totally complete my website.
Finish the unwatched films in my HD and DVD shelf. Actually, there's only one left.
Start drawing or sketching again, in a sketchbook that looks like it has 5000 pages.
Finish the next guitar lesson.

On top of that, I'm thinking of revamping the blog a bit. Have made adjustments to the kitchen adventures. Putting recipes together like that makes it more convenient to refer to in an iPhone or iPad.

Tattooed Mollies

2011-11-22T21:21:00.004+08:00

These are tattooed mollies. And they got the name because they were tattooed with random designs and numbers. These were imported and sold in major aquariums. People usually buy them in fours for the numbers these mollies bare on their skin, it's for 4D. What happens to these mollies after they are purchased for their numbers and after the numbers are bought, no one knows.

The bigger concern is about how these mollies are tattooed. The fish is being soaked in a solution that removes its protective slime that is necessary for protecting the fish against diseases. The fish is then punctured with a needle to inject the dye. As fish are very susceptible to diseases and infections, slight contamination of the needle or dye can cause a batch of mollies to die. Furthermore, the stress that the fish has to go through while being tattooed lowers its immune system making it even more vulnerable to infections.

Tattooing a fish or artificially modifying any part of it is actually being cruel to animals. Therefore, boycott tattooed mollies. Animals are to be cared for, not put through unnecessary pain for our pleasure.

Down and Out

2011-11-14T23:42:00.003+08:00

I feel really lousy. I can't write a bloody 3 minute story for the CVA.

On the other hand, there's this other nice person who can draw fantastically, self-taught. I've been trained in writing and I can't come up with any crap even. Thanks for the slap in my face. Makes me wonder how anyone in this world can still ever have any ounce of confidence left.

Makes me wonder if I should even step into the incubator team/project/plan. Thinking of pulling out. If I can't even handle CVA, I don't think I'm going to be able to nurture a business out of the incubator.

And to the place I have been going to faithfully every Sunday morning, it doesn't feel like home anymore. Thanks for pointing out that there's probably something wrong with me, because I chose to break up and not marry. Apart from the only few I can trust, thanks for the effort to try and conform me to the unsaid definition of what a 'perfect Christian woman' is. First, she definitely would not be in the entertainment industry. Secondly, she would have girls for best friends and not be such a tomboy that guys make better hang-out buddies. Thirdly, she should be married to the guy she dated for so many years, why is the career coming first? ("M + W dated after you but they got married before you leh") To be brutally honest, I'm one foot out, so thanks for making the point that there's no place for people like me. Well, you chased my best friend away cos she couldn't conform and now you want to do the same to me?

Life is heartbreaking. Really.

Finding a reason to rejoice

2011-11-09T22:08:00.003+08:00

It's the third time I'm sick in two weeks. I should be on my guitar now but I'm running a fever again and getting the chills. Not sure how I'll survive work tomorrow but I will.

I'm counting down to the number of days we have left to write the business proposal and it's 20. That's less than 3 weeks. I'm starting to freak out a bit. It's really hard to handle a proposal and a script along with a full-time job, plus church commitments. A little help would be nice.

I read the bible this morning and it said to rejoice in the Lord and that reminded me of Psalm 103 which begins with "Praise the Lord...". It sure is comforting at least to hear the words rejoice and praise. I'm waiting for the turbulence to be over. One of the virtues of being a follower of Christ is patience, the ability to endure hardships. On the final week of this year, it will be my break. I will sleep and do nothing. Sounds like a perfect plan.

Slavery Footprint

2011-11-08T13:01:00.002+08:00

Just last Friday, I came across this website.

This is an awesome website that made me feel really horrible. But this is the reality of the world behind commodities and the products that we endlessly consume and take for granted. Majority of our food, clothes, gadgets, furniture, jewelry, hygiene and beauty products and cosmetics are tainted with modern-day slavery.

To add to consumerism is the reality of wastage. First-world countries dispose of millions of tonnes of garbage most of it containing products that we buy and throw thoughtlessly. The disease in a developed country is the disease of consumerism where we buy for the sake of owning something and not because we really need the product. At the end of it, the profiters aren't the ones who harvested your raw materials but the MNCs who own the labels on these products. They get paid for our consumer habits and the slaves have to work harder to meet the demand.

Just because we don't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening. This world is unfair and its our job to make it right. We have the power to choose as consumers.

A New Beginning?

2011-10-30T20:38:00.003+08:00

I'm not so sure about that yet. But I'm pretty sure of what I want and I just have to learn to stop compromising too much.

Last week, we shot a grand Gaggenau event and part of the first episode of Mobile Chef. This has nothing to do with my personal work. This is my full-time job. And having shot that, I'm pretty sure I can't stand high-lifestyle TV. I may tolerate it a little more if my pay was triple what it is now.

So last Wed, while shooting the recipes to be served on the grand event, I ate about a hundred bucks worth of white truffle. Yes, that was the theme ingredient for the event. I fell sick the next day. Not that there's any correlation but its just nice to juxtapose these two facts together to put my point across. I ate food prepare by one of Asia's top chefs in one of the top 20 restaurants in Asia that contained white truffle. They like to call it perks of the job. But none of it had impressed me, at all.

CVA is absolutely a challenge. Because we have no bright ideas, yet.

Emotions have taken a bit of a roller coaster ride in writing a short film to discourage teens from pre-marital sex. I still got the post Nefarious effect on me. And I think I've reached a point in my life (sadly only at this age and only 12 years after the trigger incident) where I know what self worth is, where I understood what value the temple of God holds. I haven't understood it fully but I know what it is.

For such a long time, I threw myself away because I thought if someone loved me, he would show me physical love. If someone thought I was beautiful, he would show me physical love. If none of that came, it just means I'm unattractive. This mentality and how I was taken many years back totally ruled and ruined all my relationships and had the potential to ruin my life. But I know what respect and valuing a person is now.

Maybe its because I've learnt to put some value on myself after so many years of feeling worthless. I still get that sometimes. Not easy being in environments where you look at other women and admire their purity and think why anyone would choose you over them. But that's fine. I know it won't matter to the person who truly loves me and value me for who I am now.

To guys or men out there who take advantage of girls, you just have no idea what you're destroying.

I don't think I've shared something this intimate here but if I can't tell my story at all, I can't make any film. And I heard this in church today: that God allowed this to befall me because He knew he could trust me with the scars. I want to honour the trust.

太大的负担

2011-10-18T21:38:00.003+08:00

最近，我经前期综合征似乎对我有最坏的影响。动不动变得过于敏感，也很随机心烦。寻求他人的好处，对我很吃力。也许是我个性太自私，总算觉得很委屈自己。这几个月来，我一直在通过寂寞的日子，这几天一直避开人。感觉好像身边没有半个人了解我心里的感受。我应该如何坚强？也许我信念不够强，一直靠人不靠神。我一直问自己，为什么总是犯同样的错误？到现在，我没有答案。也许是我心太软，也许是我自私，也可能是我笨，是我自己太傻了。圣经说上帝会照顾的我需要，所以我在等待。我还在默默得等待。。。

诗篇46：10
仍然，知道我是神。。。

2011-10-17T20:53:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the motivation to do a film can be more than just merely the fact that a story needs to be told. Personally I'm looking for a change. Although sex trafficking is rampant worldwide, I refuse to believe nothing can be done. Although it is impossible to eradicate, it is possible to help and bring hope to women who've gone through hell.

I saw Nefarious: Merchants of Souls over the weekend and it's beyond an inspiration. It broke the mindset that girls who 'willingly' enter the trade are simply horny girls who love sex and decided to use it to make money. Might as well right? It crossed my mind to be a prostitute before, in fact many times in my life. Because there's nothing left to treasure. And I think that's something that needs to be addressed. The result of a trafficked victim would be a woman who doesn't see any worth in herself. If she already never had any self worth, trafficking reinforces that many times more. I think maybe this is something that people need to see.

I think a person's spirit is easy to break. Mine is. And at the end of it, I want my audience to think about their reverence for the human spirit. How many times have we broken someone down because of pride or anger? The other purpose is to save more women from the hell that's inside them and prevent other women from falling into the same pit.

Maybe if more people saw it, more voices speaking up for it can be heard. Maybe after someone from a government body sees it, there's a chance for a policy change. These are big dreams to me and I sure hope they'll be fulfilled.

I feel privileged to know personally the handful of people who're fighting hard locally. They are a source of support, content and credibility. There's nothing more I can ask for.

And from God, my maker:

Isaiah 61:1
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.

Nefarious reminded me of this verse and the call to bring light and hope to the broken-hearted. Because I know what its like to be broken...

If only you'll listen...

2011-10-09T23:34:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel so helpless, seeing the way you torture yourself. I wish I can just say this to you in your face but you wouldn't listen. None of our words ever make it through your brain.

You say you feel unwanted, everybody hates you. No one has lived their lives without feeling that before. I myself, feel that now and then. It's like I have to make my presence known before anyone acknowledges me, even with my closest friends. No matter what, a relationship is two-way. Learn to think for people before expecting others to think for you. People want to value you. But how do you expect people to do so if you don't value yourself and do what's best for your life?

Sometimes, seeing the way you heap expectations on yourself reminds me of me, and painfully so. I breakdown and brawl at failures, whining about how unfair it is that other people get everything they want at the snap of their fingers while I have to struggle through with no results. Fact is that the process of learning and picking yourself up is more valuable than the result. Easy results deny one of any learning process that makes up valuable life experiences. Sure, it's easy for me to say this now. It's not going to make life easier to go through, but if you look at it from this perspective, if you value life more than just your results, you will appreciate your hardship more.

Do I still struggle with this myself? Of course I am. People around me are getting freelance job offers. I have none, and therefore I'm working full-time which is the bane of my creative existence. I whine and complain about people getting everything they want without needing to put any effort. But in the end, life is not about all these achievements and possessions. Life is not about you. You exist for the people around you. How many times have you cared for someone close to you? Or do you carry the mentality that people should live for you?

Inevitably, we like to compare ourselves with others. But in reality, there is absolutely no basis for comparison. Because first, we are all made unique and special, created in the image of God. There is no one like me on earth and there is definitely no one like you. Therefore, why try to live in the shadow of another person, trying to achieve the exact things the other person has achieved? Why not live your life to the best of your ability where you are now instead of living someone else's life? You are way more accomplished than what you think you are.

I don't think I can go on anymore because I myself don't fully practice all that I've said above. I struggle with the same thing and that qualifies me as someone who understands what you are going through. If only you will listen to me because at the end of it all, the only person who can help you break out of this is yourself. I can go on forever about how you're killing yourself but if you choose to let those lies in your head rule your thoughts, no amount of words I say will change anything in you.

I worry constantly for you because I see how much of a wreck you've reduced yourself into. I can't talk to you because I get frustrated when you refuse to listen. You keep saying you want to quit, quit school first and then maybe quit life. Why? Why must you do that to yourself?

I can only pray for you. I wish I could tell you that Jesus cares and He knows what it's like to be lonely. But if only you'll listen...

Silent Treatment

2011-10-07T12:24:00.003+08:00

Finding some time during lunch for this.

It seems like every week, there's some sort of discouragement or low morale at some point. I think the root cause would be the way this industry has become.

I feel directionless, unwanted sometimes, inspiration-less, I feel like staying home with nothing to do, or go to Sungei Buloh and face the ironically bird-less forest and just stare at it blankly. The competitions are coming up but I have no ideas. Life is a bit of a drag now.

I had to drag myself a bit to attend a course the last three days in SMA. But I did sort of enjoyed it. Felt like I went back in time to level one. The other two participants were totally newbies. And when we all introduced ourselves, after hearing the experience I had, my qualification, and the achievements I've been part of, they all looked at me incredulously and asked "what the hell are you doing here?" Well I'd like to know that too.

But the good thing was, I met more people who're interested to join the industry and it was fun sharing my experience with them, apart from finding myself doing a location recording demonstration for them too. Very coincidentally, the head of programs in SMA is my ex-lecturer from Ngee Ann Poly, whom I was actually searching for. Now we're back in contact. He taught me Radio Production back in school, the only other elective I excelled in besides scriptwriting. It was a pleasure telling him how far I've been after graduating from poly.

So my instructor was teaching the basics of production, one thing he said which I felt was the most important thing for every film person to know, rekindled my drive a bit. Firstly, its the reminder that there's no fame or fortune. It comes for some but not everyone makes a name for themselves. In the end, the only thing you can run on is passion. Secondly, there's always a story to tell. There're plenty of stories that people have never heard. And a small story can make a difference to someone's life. Then again, its easy to believe in the power of media but not easy to believe in the power of the storyteller.

So what stories should I tell? I have not a clue. I'm bad at cooking up stories, another irony of a being a screenwriter. Need a day of bumping around in the uncrowded outskirts of the country and some black pepper crab would be nice.

Back to earth or further beneath

2011-09-27T15:05:00.002+08:00

Amazing how short-lived certain forms of happiness can be.

I'm back to work more unhappy than before. Maybe because I let slip another editing job for a lousy production job. Maybe loyalty is a strength but I'm definitely not strong enough to tolerate the after effects.

I want an editing job. But I'm always put into production just because I'm able to do it and no one else wants to. Producing has always been like being Cinderella. No one wants to do the cooking and cleaning in the house so the producer does it. Maybe it's my unrealistic expectation that life will be a little improved after the awards. But no. First, the award was not rendered to me. In this country, the only person that counts and gets all the fame and credit is the director.

And some may think its not so bad because at least I'm writing. But no, the writing is slowly turning into promotional writing for a chef I don't really care about. Chef on The Road was fine. It was at the very least, interesting and educational. Now I'm searching for locations for a new series called Mobile Chef and honestly, its starting to feel like I'm doing marketing and public relations to promote this chef to god-knows-who.

The proposed idea is for him, the chef to work in a mobile kitchen in various locations in Singapore. He has to cook up a meal in his unique avant-garde style relative to the location of his kitchen. I would be fine if that was it. Cook up something for common people to get a taste of food that's different. Who would mind?

But no. The Mobile Chef is proposed for rich people who will be driven in limousines to the location to dine in the mobile kitchen. The series isn't serving the public, which I thought it was at first. I though people are gonna catch the series and see the locations in Singapore and food in a different light. But no, this series is made for only one person, the chef. It just promotes him ONLY.

And why should I care about rich people. I might be a bit extreme but a vast majority of rich people I know in this world are arrogant pricks. I don't want to be near them if I can help it. Whatever it is, I feel like I'm working in some Expat magazine. Some people say you have to compromise with what you want to do in your day job. But there's always a limit. I don't care about the high-life, I don't support it now and I never will. Not when hungry children and trafficked prostitutes are on my mind all the time.

This morning I came to work and sat down looking for locations in tears, literally. I was crying. For some reason I just couldn't stand being part of a project that promotes the high-life, even if it doesn't do it directly. All the brief needed to mention was "guest picked up in luxury limo and brought to the exclusive dining experience" to make me want to puke.

On the hypocritical side of me, I would probably have been a lot more tolerant if I was only the editor and not the concept writer. At least I'm able to detach myself when editing and just edit 'professionally'. I can't do that with writing. Maybe that's why I can only choose editing as a day job.

Thank God

2011-09-24T14:49:00.006+08:00

I've never been so grateful in my life. After many weeks of dreading and feeling lousy, I get to add 3 awards to my filmography.

After the toiling days of making the thesis films and facing so many mental and emotional breakdowns. It is paid-off. Not just by our graduation (although PSoF was recognised for producing the top scoring student in the faculty and a McNally award nominee), it was paid-off at the Silver Screen Awards at the 24th Singapore International Film Festival.

Blue Tide, my baby, the film I relied heavily on to graduate bagged the Best Cinematography award. Hentak Kaki, one which made me suffer countless headaches in editing and doing the sound design won Best Film. And Window of Dreams, the documentary I salute for its social commentary won Special Mention.

It is so humbling. And I remember the moment when the films were announced on stage and all the cheers that came on us. I remember the tears that came to my eyes. It was unbelievable. This morning as I woke up from a night of partying and spending time with my best mates in school, I thought it was a dream and I'm just going to wake up to reality. But last night was a reality. Couldn't help but thank God with tears of gratefulness. I had never been so grateful for anything in my life. I know certainly that He has brought me down this path. Now we all share 3 awards, a physical recognition of our hard work, blood and tears that had been put into the films, a recognition that had set us apart from the rest.

But we're not elite. We're just given a higher responsibility now, to the our creative abilities, to the industry and to the world. And to me, a higher calling from God, to proclaim salvation to the world.

Thank you, thank you and thank you.

Without a shelter

2011-09-19T13:13:00.002+08:00

In a segment on Chef on The Road, Ryan had to visit some street children who were provided for by i-india. These children don't have a family, a home, education, medical attention, food, everything they need to survive through life. These children also don't know the gospel.

i-india was started by an Indian philanthropist. These people come every morning to cook a huge amount of food so that hundreds of kids are given at least a hot meal a day. On top of that, i-india is trying to provide education for as many kids as possible too. Some of the volunteers are ordinary Indian housewives who have a few hours in the morning to spare. Thus they devoted their mornings to provide for the needy.

I really admire the commitment these women put to doing free labour from 5am in the morning. And who said ordinary people can't do anything. I think that's just an excuse.

So apart from food, they're given a bath from a mobile water tank. I don't know how often but not daily.

And medical attention too.

I think as always, if everyone does their little bit for the less fortunate. Everyone would have their basic needs covered. This segment was found in the episode of Chef on The Road.

Sweet faces

2011-09-15T12:49:00.002+08:00

Working in a production house and going through footage after footage endlessly has been very mentally draining. But today I found random shots of the people in Jaipur, India. They just look different from us. You find hardship and for some, contentment written on their faces. The pictures are not taken by me of course. They are stills extracted from footage meant for a documentary.

Gotta love them.

Happy Mid-Autumn!

2011-09-12T21:58:00.003+08:00

Mid-Autumn is fun when friends and family gather for lantern, sparkles, mooncake and tea. I have to admit its my first lantern in many years. The tradition of lantern lighting seemed to have died and revived, at least in my world. Sometimes I think its better than CNY reunion dinners.

Had an encounter on my way home though.

I was at my lift waiting for a family to come out before entering. A mother was bringing her two children out to light lanterns. The domestic helper was with them. She was carrying for the daughter, one of those cellophane paper lanterns. (You know the kind you made in school with bamboo sticks and those annoying cellophane papers that we now call filters in film school.) So the maid was holding it and she knocked herself against the wall of the lift as she was coming out. There was a huge sound from the lantern but it didn't break.

The mother turn and bellowed "WAAAAATTTTIIIIII!!!!!!" I'm like what the freak, must she scream at the maid over a lantern that wasn't even damaged to start with. The maid knocked herself, shouldn't you be more concerned about her than your daughter's stupid lantern?

And as if that wasn't enough. I heard the daughter, about 8 years old, "If you spoil my lantern, you got money to pay anot?"

Seriously man, if that's what our kids are, we're doomed. I think Singapore would be better off being a state of China.

Recently been feeling a bit discouraged for some reason. It's possibly fueled by the encounters I had on Friday in Geylang. Gave me a sense of hopelessness.

I wished there was more fun on Sunday but the haze caused some lethargy.

I'm slowly returning to the same working life I used to have. And part of it is the need for something to look forward to. Right now, convocation and SIFF are NOT it. In fact I'm not looking forward to them at all. I'm suddenly craving for some Broasters Chicken, and some BBQ steamboat, black pepper crab would be nice too.

Sydney

2011-09-08T18:20:00.003+08:00

Can't believe I actually forgot to do this.

Just over 2 months ago, I visited Sydney to attend the Backyard Academy brought by Notforsalecampaign.org. It is a conference about human trafficking. So I flew to Sydney and went into the Italian district of the city known as Leichardt. It is a beautiful place, very peaceful and spacious, quite unlike downtown.

It's just gorgeous when the sun rises.

I did mention that it is an Italian district and so Italian delis are common and so are pasta restaurants. Much of their bread have ricotta cheese, spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, olives, artichokes, anchovies, parma ham, etc. And they aren't very expensive. So I spent my days eating a lot of Italian sandwiches and breads. I lost some weight by the way.

I had a day free before I flew home and I took the liberty to visit the city.

The Sydney Opera House was packed. It wasn't only a tourist attraction but also a nice hangout for the locals. Quite a bit of Australia's population are Asians too. So it is common to see a Malaysian, Vietnamese or Hong Konger, or some dude from China in town.

And there it is the iconic Habour Bridge against the evening sun. I really appreciated the sun. You would too if you're in the middle of winter.

Oh, did I tell you those pictures were taken with my iPhone? My camera wasn't with me when I went.

Moving on...

2011-09-01T00:46:00.002+08:00

I've pretty much given in to the teeny-bopper cheesy idea of adding a wish list to my blog. Just so that I know what I'm saving for. It looks like a list I'll never be able to fulfill. At least not, considering the kind of pay I'm drawing. I've never been paid so little in my life and that's kind of ironic cos I'm holding a Bachelor's now. I'm paid less than when I had just a Diploma.

Don't like the way I'm feeling now. Firstly because I'm still nursing my wounds of rejection and losing. Secondly, I'm troubled by the very film that's keeping me motivated to slog in this industry. I've been warned over 10 times that its not the kind of film that I can just simply say I wanna make it and then just go ahead and do it. There're a lot of safety issues, especially the safety of my subject that I have to consider. The stakes are high and the worst consequences have been spelt out to me. I feel like this is some kind of a test to see how much I'm willing to risk so that the lives of some may be improved or even saved. Whatever it is, this film has to be made.

Well anyway, not waking up positively these days. And like I said to many, can't wait for September to end. Been having a lot of weird dreams too.

Zzz.

Losing Everything

2011-08-28T21:07:00.002+08:00

Sigh.

Really hate the school for playing people out. I've got no more McNally Award and indeed I'm not the top of the faculty so I will not be getting the Lasalle Award too.

So that's 3 award rejections in a row. Thanks man, seriously.

So much for "good job Alicia".

Utter disappointment

2011-08-27T23:43:00.002+08:00

Really man...

Sigh...

Urgh...

Sigh...

Ok I didn't get the McNally Award. But actually that's ok. Doesn't really bother me.

The bigger bother is just receiving nothing at the Silver Screen Awards. My major film did not even make it to the Short Film Awards 2011 along with the rest of the thesis films. What's that suppose to mean seriously..

Feel like I got a slap in my face, one worse than the time I lost my diploma pitch.

I'm getting really upset and cranky about it. And I don't want to attend SIFF or the Silver Screen Awards.

I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with my documentary. No grand ideas or inspiration.

Sigh...

Be Thou My Vision

2011-08-26T00:09:00.001+08:00

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Just found great comfort in this hymn... Arrgghhh... Struggling

Silver Screen Awards

2011-08-23T11:17:00.006+08:00

Ok I was mistaken. We got Best Cinematography Award for Blue Tide. At least it's something. I blame the people giving inconsistent information out.

I realise I haven't really given any of the films I've worked on any tribute.

Blue Tide had been quite a challenge to write. I found myself having to accommodate a lot of ideas and a lot of metaphors, just basically a lot of stuff. I learnt my greatest writing lesson there and that is that putting too much on a paper compromises the film. The final edit didn't show much of my writing in the end because of the non-linear cut. And personally, the non-linear cut did destroy part of the narrative. At the end it did look like it was non-linear for the sake of having non-linear. It didn't fulfill any purpose to the story but rather compromised the story.

Cos my favourite people were on, it was easier to work. Hentak Kaki is an example of a collaborative effort, which is what I really believe in. I had my frustrations still, mostly with myself. I had set really high expectations which I felt were not met. But I guess it's great that it is being nominated to be the best film and James got nominated for best director. It is a dream come true for him since it's what he's set out to do. And it's really an achievement to get an award from a festival just having gotten out of school.

So that and a few other productions were my highlight, for now. Hopefully, the human trafficking project would be a bigger highlight.

Earthly and heavenly gain

2011-08-23T07:30:00.004+08:00

It had been disappointing for me thoroughly to know that Blue Tide was not selected to compete in any of the categories for the Silver Screen Award. Not even cinematography. It's a bit of a slap in my face and I know that familiar resentment that welled up inside me knowing that other thesis films had more than one nomination. It is unfair, to me at least. And I'm so conscious of the constant comparisons I'm making about awards and jobs that it's entrapping me.

I really want to get out of this and only think about my personal responsibility as a filmmaker. In God's eyes, awards count for nothing. And it is He who equips the filmmaker for the making. I just need that to be out of my mind and in my heart. Then all these getting or not getting awards and recognition business will stop distracting me.

I wish there will be someone who would share the dream of devoting film for a good cause. To make stories concerning social issues and to spread the gospel. People may all have their personal visions in film, many more ego-stroking than others. Filmmakers are already far and few, let alone finding one with an equal vision. But I'm certain that I can't do this alone.

Saw this really nice poem

If we pursue mere earthly gain,
We choose a path that ends in pain;
But joy remains within the soul
When we pursue a heavenly goal. —D. De Haan

If only I could turn back time

2011-08-21T23:55:00.002+08:00

Today as I spent the afternoon drawing a film budget and writing a treatment at the Esplanade library, I realised how much I missed the days in school. When my work was done, technically because I was running out of battery, I took a slow walk from there to Bugis, wandering the vicinity alone. And I felt a yearning for those days to be back again.

I had such marvelous time having dinner with the people I used to see every day. We recalled the days in school and it felt like the first day of school was just yesterday. And I miss it so much now.

This brings me to want to dedicate the achievements I have to all from school whom I love very much. I'm not gonna talk like I've gotten the McNally award. In fact, I haven't the slightest confidence of getting it. But nevertheless, I dedicate even my nomination to them, the ones who believed in me and are still supporting me now.

And I know this was what the school fees were paid for. All the friendships, the refining, the polishing, the skills, the talent and the art. These 3 years had seen the biggest change in me. It was the time where I was made to apply all the bible knowledge I had accumulated prior to film school. Of course, I failed more than I passed. But that's what life is. Failing and then picking up again. It's just that some failures come with consequences that others suffer too. So I didn't buy my first class honours. I bought the priceless lessons life can bring me at this point.

I feel the calling going deeper about starting the initiative, a production house that dedicates itself to social issues and Christianity. I just got a deja vu typing that sentence. But yes, I feel the responsibility bestowed on me in using the power of media and the web to reach out. It is something very much on my mind now and I'm even thinking of making the human trafficking documentary with like a production house branding to it.

So this is some sort of strange combination, holding to the past and looking forward to the future.

Wearing Yourself Out

2011-08-10T08:28:00.002+08:00

It's the first day I'm gonna officially start in Hurrah Productions and I got this passage for daily bread this morning.

Exodus 18:13-27

It's about Moses overworking himself as the overseer of Israel. I'm pretty certain I'll have to be wearing many different hats in my line of work simply because there's absolutely no budget to hire another person so that everyone can do their roles properly. That doesn't happen in Singapore. But it feels like this is some sort of fore-warning not to over-commit and overwork myself.

With regards to church, that is much easier to apply because I've just made my stand to either remain as a youth leader or step down and join the worship ministry. No way am I committing to both.

Now that's hard to believe

2011-08-08T23:48:00.003+08:00

Surprise surprise...

Ok what have we got here.

I just received an email informing me that I've been nominated for the McNally Award, an award given to the best achieving students or something like that. And it said I'm the top scoring student of the Media Arts faculty. I though Sara scored higher than me? And I have no idea how someone who scraped through by 0.33% to get first class can be the top of the faculty. Many question marks indeed.

Nevertheless, just by being nominated, it is truly an honour. And I have none to thank but God, who provided my mates, the strength, the ideas, the quick-thinking at the times I need, and most of all patience and perseverance. And it is by nothing but grace that had brought me to this place.

Recently, I had to repeat the journey since I graduated from poly for quite a few people to hear, and each time I tell it, it is more apparent to me that God had plough a path for me to walk. Most people don't know, but film was not my first choice. I had applied to Theatre Arts and got a place only to receive a call 2 weeks before school to find out that the course can't go on because of poor intake. I scrambled for my second choice, which was film. All I cared about was to get into a place where I can write and do creative work. I had a bad working experience after graduating from poly and that fueled my desperation.

So I entered film school, all lost and not knowing what to expect, full of doubts and feeling intimidated by the fellow classmates who seem to know what they were doing, as opposed to me, who have no idea why I'm sitting amongst film students. The assignments and projects came and I was obviously underperforming as compared to my peers. That discouraged me a lot.

I survived the horrendous level 1, unsure if I ever get my chance for anything at all. I persevered and slogged for the egos of others. Level 2 came and I found my love for editing and opportunity to write. I gained experience by crewing on many sets in school and professional sets outside. Finally, the first film that I wrote was an affirmation in my pursuit to write.

In level 3, I was determined to make my own learning curve. I stuffed myself into the directing module, took up extra roles as the producer and sound recordist/designer apart from my major and minor subjects all because I knew opportunities in doing those are scarce outside. Better to do them now than to miss the chance.

So level 3 sort of concluded school very nicely for me. Having learnt almost all the aspects of filmmaking, I am now a jack of all trades but a master of none. It's good and bad I guess.

The first class honours haven't really done much for me. Some people just brag about me being a first class student but no one is even thinking of paying me a little more for the fact that I'm first class. So much for paper qualifications.

I'm gonna just start my work, do my freelance stuff, rack my brains for creative ideas. That's all.

Withdrawal Symptoms

2011-08-03T23:49:00.002+08:00

It's so easy to add but difficult to subtract.

Spirit is willing but the mind is weak

2011-07-30T00:18:00.002+08:00

Sadly, it's the mind that overpowers the spirit.

First class honours is just momentary glory. It has not gotten me a decent job. Decent meaning reasonable monthly pay with a learning curve and creative maturity. They don't exist, at least not for me.

I'm still filled with bitterness. My spirit jumps for joy at another person's accomplishment. But my mind embitters me at that very instant.

I need to find my peace again.

Slow Dance

2011-07-28T09:17:00.003+08:00

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's

Erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun

Into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask "How are you?"

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed?

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste

Not see the sorrow?

Ever lost touch

Let a good friendship die?

Cause you never had time

To call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day

It's like an unopened gift, thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower.

Hear the music.

Before the song is over.

-a dying teenage girl-

We're all Guilty

2011-07-07T16:13:00.005+08:00

Apparently, today, it is impossible to get dressed, operate a motor vehicle, use an electronic device, eat a meal or for that matter exist without touching products tainted by forced labour.

In a first-world city, we do not see the process of making our products in the malls or food in our supermarkets. And that is why, we are unaware of the labour behind the things we take for granted.

The most common raw materials harvested by exploited labour are cotton, cocoa, coltan and micca. Among others are coffee, tea and gold. Despite the political abolishment of slavery, modern slavery is existing at an even higher and more severe rate than before. It has become a lucrative business because traffickers are able to put a price on a human being and yield a profit many times higher.

Many factors contribute to the issue of human trafficking. On the top of the list is poverty. And we have marginalized populations, gender inequality, unequal education and economic status. All these factors contribute to forced labour, the most vulnerable groups of people being from developing countries.

Every year, about 100 million people leave their countries for foreign job opportunities, out of which many are not familiar with the labour laws outside of their countries. This leaves them vulnerable to fraud, one of the many tactics traffickers and exploitative employers use to enslave their workers.

Modern day slavery exists in a spectrum. Anything that violates the contract of work or human rights qualify as exploitation. Thus in order to effectively combat slavery, one cannot only look at severe cases of exploitation but also the less severe ones that occur daily. Forced labour is unseen and requires some observation and picking up of signs in order to be identified as a case of exploitation. Therefore, effective combat against any form of human trafficking happens only when government bodies, NGOs, the community and corporates work together.

The FairTrade certification was introduced a while back as a standard for brands or line of products to adopt a responsibility over the supply chain of their products. Fair Trade does not guarantee that a product is free of forced labour but it guarantees a system that ensures against it. You see, most corporations may know where the raw materials in the making of their products come from, however, they are not aware of the harvest methods. In addition to this, the raw materials changed many hands while being processed and the prices are being marked up. This makes it more complicated for individual brands to track the whole process of the making of one product. And this would explain why many corporations are unaware of their products tainted with slavery.

What we can do as consumers is to be aware of the different raw materials used in the making of each product and find out how they are harvested. As consumers, we have the power to choose which brands to buy from, a brand that ensures against slavery or a brand that might be cheaper but made with the hands of slaves. If everyone would choose wisely, we can make a difference in the fight against slavery. We have the power to make individual brands account for the supply chain and ensure that people from the top to the bottom are paid a minimum wage for the harvest and processing if the materials.

A good app to use is the Free2Work app which is free. It contains information on different brands with a grade on them in their response to Fair Trade. We have the power to make the right choice.

The Glimpse of Human Trafficking & Slavery

2011-07-07T11:25:00.001+08:00

It's amazing how much I've heard, listening to people talk about the fight and the struggles against human trafficking and slavery.

Human trafficking and slavery had come into the limelight recently as one of the worst crimes against humanity. Like our environmental issues, human trafficking and slavery is a global issue. Though they exist and happen in many forms, the suffering and trauma brought upon the victims are still the same.

Human trafficking had turned lucrative because of the amount of profit a single human being can bring. While drugs cannot be reused, a human being is 'reusable' as long as they are physically capable. It is deemed as one of the worst crimes in humanity because when a price is placed on a human being, he or she is being objectified. Each of the 12 to 27 million people sold into slavery are uniquely created and made, but their lives destroyed by the atrocities done to them.

Slavery is forcing someone to do something against his or her free will with the purpose of exploitation. The forms of slavery and exploitation exists in sex trafficking, forced labour, child labour and child sex, child soldiers, organ harvesting, etc. These are the very evident forms of violation against basic human rights.

Just when we thought human trafficking and slavery are far from our comfort zones in our first world cities, these unseen atrocities happen right in our backyards. That's where I believe everyone has a responsibility to contribute in their own professions or stage in life to prevent or help victims of human trafficking and slavery.

As a nation, Singaporeans should look beyond their comfort zones and think about how to improve the lives of our SE Asian neighbours and even the foreigners in our midst. Some of them may be exploited right in our country by unethical employers.

As activists struggle to investigate, provide aftercare, work out economical possibilities, raise awareness, numerous problems have surfaced. Common ones include alternative work opportunities for victims after they are rescued and recommending preventive measures to curb the number of people falling into slavery.

One reason why many victims return to their exploiters is the lack of livelihood opportunities for them. Despite their escape to freedom, the road to normality is blocked with shame, prejudice, mental and emotional trauma, amongst other difficulties. It is a shame then that society is not able to provide the support that prevents them from entering the trade again. Countless women in various parts of the world turn back to the illegal brothels because of poverty. Others returned because of heroine addiction where rehabilitation is not provided.

This calls for greater activism within society. Now that the issue of trafficking is out in the open, citizens of the world should do their part instead of allowing themselves to be fueled repeatedly with emotions. Emotions help fuel the drive to act. But without action, the fight doesn't exist.

Although many in the fight to abolish human trafficking and slavery believe that it is possible to eradicate the problem, I believe that as long as sin exist in this world, trafficking will remain. But it does not mean we turn a blind eye to the atrocities. In Nepal and Cambodia, native women like Anuradha Koirala and Somaly Mam are activists. Various men and women risk their lives by placing themselves at the borders of their countries to stop traffickers from smuggling slaves.

Modern slavery has reached a point where it has become more severe than slavery in the past. The irony is that slavery had been abolished by various governments legislating that slavery is illegal. However, today political leaders and authorities still turn a blind eye to the trafficking and slavery in their countries. In Uzbekistan, school is halted for 6 months or more, so that the children can pick cotton. Each child is paid 2 pence per kg of cotton which they painstakingly pick in the sun. In the Ivory Coast, children are smuggled from all over Africa to work as slaves to harvest cocoa. They are either kidnapped or fooled into following their traffickers to the Ivory Coast. In Cambodia where prostitution is prohibited, thousands of women are children are forced into sexual servitude in the sex tourism industry.

An American couple visited India not too long ago. What they thought was going to be a holiday turned into a rescue mission. They came across babies in trash cans and picked them out. They went to a rice mill and came across a pair of siblings who are working as slaves. Immediately, they took the children and left. Both siblings looked out of the car window in wonder. Never in their lives had they seen the world outside of the rice mill. Despite their successful break for freedom, the children looked disheartened. Curious, the couple asked if they were alright, to which the girl replied "what took you so long?"

So what's taking us so long to start thinking about where we can contribute in the fight against human trafficking and slavery. If everyone in this world would do their part, human trafficking and slavery would decrease dramatically.

From suffering to hope

2011-06-30T05:48:00.003+08:00

I found God's reassurance again this morning. In Romans 5:1-5

1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I realise that sufferings isn't something we should trudge through with complaints and moans about how bad life is. Paul said that we should "glory in our sufferings". I take that to mean that we should delight or rejoice in our sufferings, primarily because there is an end result that is glorious, and that is the eternal hope found in Christ.

I want to remember the refinement I am going through is to produce perseverance, character and hope in me. I know if I stick through it, I will rejoice at the end.

By Faith

2011-06-28T08:39:00.003+08:00

This morning I woke up feeling lost and lonely already. I asked God if this was what he had in mind. If it is, it's going to take me a tremendous amount of faith. I know this is a time of testing. I'm being put through fire to be refined and purified. I told God I need the faith.

And I flipped to daily bread this morning and found Hebrews 11:23-31

23 By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.

24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.

29 By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.

30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days.

31 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.

Many times we live and make decisions for the moment without looking at what's in the future. Moses disregarded momentary comfort for godly living. His choice wasn't easy, possibly harder than mine but he saw the reward. I need to look at what these troubled times would give me. I know at the end if I stick to it, I will be purer and holier.

The Change is Here

2011-06-27T22:50:00.002+08:00

I'm now starting a new phase of life as a single. I feel the struggle to trust God with my future. But it's only right to do so. Part of me can't wait. I can't wait to taste life as a single woman again, this time with a clearer direction in life and a greater sense of trust in God. So whoever my potential mates are, I need a year of freedom. I need the freedom for many reasons. The most important reason being that I don't make the same mistake again. That I examine the life of my future mate closely before making a conscious choice without letting emotion rule my head. And to be able to do that, I need singlehood and a trust in God that he has the right love-life or single life for me.

I struggle with the many things I feel the need to do in life. And I know many people out there oppose to what I truly feel my calling is. I want to pursue the possibility of contributing to the fight against human trafficking. At the same time, there's so much creative work I want to do. Writing documentaries and short films, conceptualizing ads of different kinds, being paid to do menial stuff on set, experiencing a Hollywood production, etc. The list hasn't stopped. I want to go to a film festival too. Right now I'm just hoping for Venice.

I know my dad still doesn't support me choosing to help fight against human trafficking and thinks that there're better things for me to do. I just hope some day, people will understand why others choose to fight against a huge giant simply because they believe strongly that it's their calling.

I feel like I had a tiff with the whole world. Just simply don't want to communicate with anyone. And that's my other agenda to Sydney. To be alone for a bit. It's a habit of mine. Good or bad, I tend to retreat into a world of my own. That is truly the single-child syndrome. The tendency to deal with life in solitude.

So yes. Right now my priority is to live a single's life and trust God to provide a mate if I should have one at all. And He will provide the best for me.

The Epiphany of Change

2011-06-21T19:15:00.002+08:00

Or lack thereof in some ways.

Once again, many events had ensued since the last post. It has been almost a month.

Firstly, congratulations to me for graduating successfully with a Bachelor's Degree in Film. And congratulations to the success of our thesis films, much to our surprise. Beneath all the joy of succeeding and graduating is the reluctance in leaving my best friends from school. Each of us are moving to separate directions and returning to school these days to an empty campus seem strange. I find myself trying to relive the days of unity in busy-ness amidst my trustworthy mates, something I have to learn to let go at some point.

Romance is taking a turning point as Terence and I finally decide on a clean break, something we both agreed is best for us. Wherever he may be, I know God will be with him, guiding his path. I know that without me, he will find his identity in Christ again and his purpose in life. Without me, he will learn the important things in life.

I've never felt more alone. Leaving fellow filmmakers whom I've seen day in and day out, spending so many long hours with them, and now being single again. In addition, I'm contemplating on worshipping in another church. My only friends in church left are applying to study in Australia and will leave next year. I'm bracing myself for loneliness and independence.

Berry Muffin

2011-05-24T13:54:00.003+08:00

I'm beginning to see the usefulness of baking in providing for breakfast. Blueberry muffins are one of the most common. Having some leftover strawberries and blackberries, I decided this would be the best way to use them.

The muffins turn out to taste similar to pancakes which is a good thing I reckon. The best way to eat it is with milk in the morning or with tea in the afternoon.

The Longest Ride

2011-05-15T23:44:00.002+08:00

The longest rides home are the ones from the airport after sending someone off, not knowing when you'll ever see them again.

Simple Shortbread

2011-05-07T00:37:00.004+08:00

The toil of the semester is ending soon. Really, 8 whole weeks of staring at the computer editing and doing audio post is no joke. The frequent headaches have fueled a determination to stay away from the computer when I'm home, such that I bake in order to keep myself occupied.

I've always wanted to try making shortbread but cupcakes have always been in my comfort zone. Furthermore, I've had a failed cookie attempt once, some years back. And that has kept me away from doing cookies. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to try making something different, partly because of complains that I've been baking the same stuff.

I have no idea what shortbread is, or what makes a shortbread, shortbread. But when I stumbled on to this at allrecipes.com, I couldn't find much of an excuse not to try it.

Shortbread recipes vary with ingredients and this is the simplest of it all, with just 4 ingredients. But I'm not betting on this to make variations although I might experiment on that later on.

Fail

2011-03-20T22:17:00.003+08:00

I haven't stepped in here for such a long time, it's actually record-breaking. Nevertheless, my life has been preoccupied with filming, the usual. We had been keeping to inhumane hours for our thesis films, which we had been working on since last year. I did mention that I didn't have my December holidays right?

Now that the bulk of it is over (obviously because of that I had found the time to blog), I'm now busy trying to repay sleep debt. That would be about 60 hours on top of my usual 7 hours each day. I haven't been doing that very well because I'm wonderfully involved in post-production as well. Charming, isn't it? Don't get me wrong. I know I sound all cynical and like I hate life but no. I do enjoy post-production, the artistic part that is. The technical part is always confusing.

Anyway, how had production been for me? I had been asked many times and I give a standard answer, not good. I wonder if it's just pride and discontentment. I don't think so. I can't be happy about a production with which the crew isn't happy with the director, with one crew member actually stomping off the set. And I happened to be the co-producer. All I could do was try to keep it together, along with my sanity. I almost exploded on the last day. At the end of production, I am left disillusioned. Perhaps I shouldn't even have been a producer to start with. Right now, I'm just trying not to take things personally and take offense at anyone.

The next set had its equal share of drama, but of different nature. They broke the lens that came with the camera. They broke the slate. There were cold-war moments. People had PMS here and there but it was all good. The extras basically formed the live of the set if there was any at all.

I wasn't on the third group but I heard a lot of bad things. I was on for just a night and I dreaded it.

Fourth group. I don't know what to say. I guess it was the least negative of them all but there was like bad air going around. People don't like each other. There was impatience with each other. And people were all tired.

At the end of it, most people had worked on and off set for 28 days straight without a day's rest. Somehow, on the thesis productions, everyone's bad side came on. So most of us have had conflicts with other people, whether they were open or not. And its sad that most of us are leaving school vowing to ourselves never to work with some of our classmates ever.

The ultimate lesson that was reinforced for me in school is that if we make a film, we live out its principles on our lives. For example, if I make a film about love and yet show no love or respect for my crew members, then what's the point of making it. I'm just being a hypocrite. The other lesson is that manpower cannot be compromised and pride simply ruins the film. I've a camera team who is protective of the monitor and wants to keep the monitor for themselves. Now, the footage has equipment and wires in shot.

These couple of weeks is just witnessing a misfortune after another on set and crew members blaming each other for it. My production had to pay extra expenses due to an accident and parking fines. On top of that I hear claims about the director changing the script on the fly. I am so unhappy that I am seriously considering a full pull-out from that film.

So far, it just sounds like I'm complaining. Well yes I am. Was there anything to be thankful for? I had tried to look for anything to be thankful for but there's almost nothing. I could think of one and that is at least I know a couple of people I could still rely on in filmmaking.

I am thankful for timely reminders to keep it together. A couple of times I was reminded in church and bible study not to deal with matters with my own wisdom. The reminders were so real, it felt like it was directly addressed to me. That shook me a bit. But once I returned to school, I knew my temper was waiting to flare and I was judging people.

As though school wasn't challenging enough, I've had to endure cold wars at home. Usually when that happens, I'll escape somewhere else. A war zone isn't home at all. So currently, there is a cold war at home, where everyone thinks the rest of the family is wrong and only he/she is right. And the latest war is over the cat. It sounds ridiculous as I say it but yes, now my family is at war because of the cat which my parents made clear that I brought home.

It annoys me that when all is well, everyone claims credit for treating the cat well. But when 'calamity' befalls because of the cat, it's my fault and my responsibility to clear the mess. It's their cat during the good times and my cat during the bad. Therefore I'm putting my cat up for adoption again. She's about a year old now. If anyone trustworthy is willing to keep her, I'll give her away.

I'm not proud of my family. It pains me to say it. I know my mom tries to keep it together. But for my dad and my grandmother I can't say the same. I don't know what's wrong with them. I can only deduce that they are ruled by pride. They are two of the most judgmental people I've ever known in my life.

Personally, it still feels like everything I do is wrong. I know my family have been complaining that I'm not home most of the time during the period I was shooting the thesis films. Well, they will see even less of me now. Until war is over.

I really hope to spend more time with God. Maybe I'm very affected by the circumstances around me because I haven't spent much time with Him.

Chen Shu-Chu (The Generous Vegetable Seller)

2010-12-12T23:33:00.004+08:00

Finally, I'm back to the routine of reading Readers Digest. It's been quite a few months.

I have a habit of talking about people who put us to shame. I had wanted to feature a charitable foreigner for my documentary but that didn't happen. There're so many 'less fortunate' people who are doing more than us in making the world a better place.

Anyway, I read about this lady in this month's Readers Digest. She is amazing. Well of course she had to be in order to earn her title of being the 2010 Asian of The Year.

Chen Shu-Chu is a humble vegetable seller in Tai-tung County. Every day, she wakes up at 3 in the morning to obtain her vegetables from the wholesaler. Then she brings them to her stall which she would tend for 7 to 8 hours. All the hard work has made her body weak, but she still presses on. In the market, she is the first to arrive and last to leave. Her neighbours in the market jokingly call her the market manager.

But that isn't the extraordinary thing about her. By selling vegetables in her humble stall each day and earning marginal profits, Chen Shu-Chu has by far donated a hefty NT$10 million ($321,550) to various charitable organisations. That's many times more than what an average Singaporean would have donated in his/her lifetime.

Where in the world does she get all that money to donate? Believe it or not, it is purely attributed to her frugality. Chen lives a very simple life without any luxuries. She doesn't seek any form of enjoyment because her work is already a form of enjoyment to her. She never spends more than NT$100 ($3.20) on her meals in a day because she eats simply and keeps leftovers.

She sleeps on her hard floor because she doesn't want the comfort of a warm bed to stop her from getting up early to buy her supply of vegetables. Basically for Chen, all she needs is food to eat and a place to stay.

Despite her humble lifestyle, Chen has never allowed herself to take advantage of other people's generosity. With her next amount of savings, she is aiming to set up a "Chen Shu-Chu Bursary" to help poor children pay for their school fees.

She is what a simple life is. Not only is her lifestyle so much simpler than any of ours, she is also more contented than any of us too.

End of Semester

2010-11-22T09:01:00.003+08:00

It's been exactly a month since I last spoke here. As what people always say, the year just flew by. And yup, we're at the end of the semester. Should I actually go on complaining about school? Nah, have done that the last few posts. Rather, maybe I should start appreciating life the way it is.

I've shifted back to live with my parents. No I have not left grandma behind; we both shifted here. It's been a week and it's sort of weird because I've never really lived with my parents. So far it's ok, add on the fact that Fergie loves her new home. And I do like my new room. In the midst of shifting, I've given away about half my property: the books, jewelry, stationary, clothes, etc. What I really miss about grandma's place is Western Chow, the convenience store and my family doctor, and there's no neighbourhood hairdresser to trim my fringe for me anymore.

9420 Hours is doing ok. I'm still working out a non-linear script and it's really difficult to do that. I'm starting to wonder if I should put more effort in the production work at this point or the script. And I've been shamelessly asking people for opinions. Haha. We need sponsors for everything and we've worked out a budget of 30k. Not sure where the money is going to come from.

Because I'm quite involved in sound, I've got audio post classes every Mon, Wed, and Fri nights. Sound is where my faith is tested. I'm quite a klutz with sound and have always prayed before doing it, trusting that God will fill the gaps of my incompetence. I'm not sure how the sound is going to be for the thesis films, but I'm just gonna rely on God. After all, he is the creator of sound.

Ok, on a note a lot more serious, I need a job. I need a job that pays reasonably well, anyone?

No Life

2010-10-22T00:18:00.002+08:00

Yup.. I have none of it. I'm still reeling from syncing sound and editing 2 directing exercises. Stayed in school real late the last two days. And then I step out of the air-con classroom and sniff haze. Seriously, I feel sick just by breathing these days.

I've been generally upset and anti-social. Because for some reason I don't think I'm being supported or cared for. Neither do I think that people take my job seriously. I mean its filmmaking. People don't do it for fun. In what way does all the late nights look like fun. People do it because its hard work that ends with a great sense of fulfillment. But I don't think people get that. And I feel out of place because I don't fit into the social mould among my peers. They're all getting married... one by one..

So, I've been a generally unhappy person lately and I avoid talking to people if I can help it. I should find my rest in church, but I'm not. In fact it's adding more stress to me. I'm pretty sure its a bad thing.

So it's back to the never-ending pile of work.

A Song to All whom I Love Dearly

2010-10-03T23:33:00.003+08:00

I need to say these things cos I love you so
And I'm sorry you get angry when I say that you just don't know
But there's a heaven waiting for you and me
I know it seems every time we talk I'm only trying to just make you see

And it's only that I care
I really only want just to see you there

Please try and overlook my human side
I'm such a bad example and you know I'm so full of pride
But Jesus isn't like that, now He's perfect all the way
I guess that's why we need him, cos by ourselves there's just no way

And it's only that I care
I really really only want just to see you there

by Keith Green

Always an Interesting Character

2010-09-30T23:04:00.002+08:00

Shoot was the most eventful today, in a bad way. What a bad end. It just poured for a while after we did 3 shots. And there was thunder.

Anyway, because I had to recharge the sound recorder's batteries, I had to isolate myself to the back of the Old Married Soldier's Quarters. That was the only place in the entire area with a socket.

Also seeking shelter from the rain was this road sweeper, whom I was annoyed with earlier for refusing to stop sweeping when we went for takes. Nevertheless, being in the same shelter and thinking he could be my potential subject for my documentary, I talked to him. To my surprise, after all that broken English and using an ancient mobile phone, he is a Singaporean. I thought he was a foreigner from the start and just went on assuming. He spoke with a stutter and is possible uneducated. But he has 3 children and his wife is a homemaker. His eldest son is working in DBS, the second one is serving his NS and the youngest is still in secondary school. He also lives comfortably in Ang Mo Kio.

The amazing thing is really how humble and contented he is with life. He could be like any other Singaporean seeking wealth and a good life. But he worked to get by. And that was another reason why I thought he was a foreigner. Few Singaporeans would lower themselves to sweep the roads. Add on the fact that I was totally played into stereotyping him as a foreigner.

Surviving barely and badly

2010-09-26T01:08:00.003+08:00

Yup. It's the usual never ending pile of work. I've been finding myself having difficulty writing my stories for lack of inspiration. And the fact that the screenwriting module has so many assignments. I have a thesis paper due in 6 weeks and I haven't started on it. Go me.

Frankly I'm sick of Fort Canning. We've been shooting there so much I know the place by hard already. Not to mention the injuries, bites and weird symptoms I've been getting. Because I was mad enough to take up sound, I had to do it during the directing exercises. It is kind of fun actually, once I got the hang of it. But there's still so much room for improvement, still so much to learn.

Some people come into film to work hard and try their best to achieve their peak in filmmaking. Some others come in to say "I don't care". Honestly, if you don't then neither do we. Sometimes I feel like I care too much. Like I care more about how some people are going to survive the final year more than that person himself/herself. I guess bad attitude always come with its consequences. Just don't come sobbing when no one wants to entertain you.

Don't really like the way 9420 Hours is progressing. I'm taking quite long to come up with changes and drafts. And the SFC proposal is due in a month. Not sure how it's going to happen. I'm a bit disappointed that I probably can't make my documentary cos I can't find a low class foreign worker who does charity work in Singapore. Somehow, they don't seem to exist.

I need to be more disciplined with time these days and make the most out of every minute.

2010-09-07T23:57:00.002+08:00

A few things I can say about myself now

1. I'm being hypochondriac about my mental health now.
2. I think I'm going mental.
3. Just when one goes away, another one comes.
4. Either I'm immature, insensible, selfish or egoistic.

2010-08-26T22:26:00.001+08:00

Wouldn't it be nice to have the convenience of a spotless mind? And yet still retain the lessons learnt about life from the painful past.

Now, now, that's wishful thinking. Time to move on.

Je voudrais voler, comme un oiseau d'ailleurs

2010-08-10T18:04:00.000+08:00

When there's a shadow near, reach for the sun
When there is loving here, look for the one
And for the promises, there is the sky
And for the heavens are those who can fly

If you really want to, you can hear me say
Only if you want to will you find a way
If you really want to you can seize the day
Only if you want to will you fly away

When there's a journey to follow the star
When there's an ocean to sail to far
And for the broken hearts there is the sky
And for tomorrow are those who can Fly

人比人气死人

2010-08-05T20:30:00.002+08:00

这句名言都不知道听了多少次。但我还是不停得把自己拿来跟人家比。自己的成就好象完全不存在。现在的心情很消沉，也很无助。

我已经确定毕业后要制作几布片。至少这会给我一点成就感，好让我对自己有点信心。

我不知道如何继续

2010-08-04T23:24:00.003+08:00

一转眼，我已经完结了两年的薄膜课程。现在，第三年也已经此刻开始。在这个时侯，我还在后悔自己没勇气升级做导演。你不觉得很失败吗？这么多次，我只能看人家担负导演位置而感到羡慕。我到底怕什么，我还不清楚。毕业后，我不能再让自己错过当导演的机会，但不知道机会会再来吗？

现在的心情非常沉闷。总觉得生活每一部分是否打丈。下来的日子，不知道怎样过。

Perth

2010-07-14T23:55:00.002+08:00

I officially miss Perth because I'm perspiring at nothing and breathing in steam. It was a good change of climate, even more so because we just went through one of the coldest winters in years. Fortunately but sadly for me, there wasn't a hail storm to look at. Anyway, apart from pigging out and shopping, the best times were exploring sights with Daniel and Ernest. After all the trip was to live with them for 10 days.

That's UWA, which is the University of Western Australia. The campus looks stunning. The first thing I thought after walking through a good portion of it was that it qualifies as a good filming location. They even have ducks swimming in a pond outside the cafe and a place for peacocks to dwell! Coincidentally, as we were checking out the peacocks, one of them decided to woo a hen and began strutting his stuff.

I decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood too. Since the house we were staying in is near the Swan river, we walked down in time to catch the sunset. We met this lady down the street who was also from Singapore. She had migrated decades back and now lives with her son. She was pruning her lemon tree and clearing dead leaves around her rose bushes. The best part was, she kept a vegetable and herb garden in her back yet and also have a coop full of chickens.

We went to Bell Rapids which is about an hour's drive up north east. This is where Swan river starts. This is also where crazy people do white water rafting. The water was quite shallow on the day we went. Usually on days following heavy rainfall, the current is crazy.

Kings Park is THE place to be in Perth. It's like Fort Canning, Mount Faber, Botanic Gardens, Bishan Park put together, except still better. We went there for a luxurious breakfast one morning and set in the park by the pond to absorb the sun and crisp air.

Fremantle is one of THE places to be in Perth, at least for me. Geographically, its the place where Swan river goes into the Indian Ocean. Fremantle is famous for its markets and museums cos it's a heritage site, and of course seafood. Kailis was where we had thefreshestseafoodiveevereateninmylife.

Some of the other good things we did was visiting Subiaco church. It was a great blessing to be there. Also the wine tasting was awesome and not to mention chasing kangaroos.

Life's Reflections

2010-07-05T09:03:00.002+08:00

Somehow it's always grim when I think of it. But imagine an old man thinking back about his life. Still, there is little room to be colourful.

Kids really do say the darnest things

2010-06-07T07:50:00.002+08:00

This was found on a website. They're true written answers given by kids in a bible test. Pastor mentioned it during sermon and we all found it hilarious. Spelling and grammar errors have been kept intact.

1. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

2. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

3. King Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

ROFL

Marutama Ramen

2010-06-01T23:00:00.007+08:00

I'm sure almost the whole world has heard of Marutama. It is one of the fastest expanding ramen chains in Singapore, if not the only. Let's hope the quality doesn't drop. Marutama Ramen is also listed as one of the top-ten best ramen in Singapore. Few would dispute it's fame and popularity.

One of the features of Marutama ramen is the use of chicken stock instead of the usual tonkatsu(pork) stock. It's not halal though, there's still char shu. I've been here a few times actually, each time failing to write something about it until it has shot to fame now.

Anyway, on a Saturday night, in Liang Court, the queue was pretty long at it's second branch. Still the service is prompt as they try to cope with the crowd.

Marutama Ramen
Price: S$12.00 + 10% service charge +7% GST
Rating:

I love the chicken stock and in my opinion, Marutama has one of the best noodles. The thickness suits my preference and it's light and springy. Marutama offers a noodle refill for just a buck. The ajisuke tamago was divine and as usual, it's an additional charge of a dollar for it too.

Aka Ramen
Price: S$15.00 + 10% service charge +7% GST
Rating:

The Aka Ramen is something slightly different. Apart from the chicken stock, it has a blend of 7 types of nuts in the soup too. It's also a bit spicy. However, there's like so much vegetables inside that I couldn't really appreciate the noodles. Thankfully the soup made up for it.

Marutama has 3 operating outlets already. One in Central Clarke Quay, Liang Court and United Square.

Marutama
177 River Valley Road
#02-01/02 Liang Court shopping Centre
Singapore 179030
Telephone: (+65) 6837 2480
Service rating:

The first of Marina Bay

2010-05-28T19:31:00.006+08:00

On the weekend Marina Bay Sands was opened, we went there for a stroll. Gotta love the bridge and the spectacular city view. The place is huge and objectively very nice. Otherwise it looks like a doomsday set to me and the casino looked dodgy. >.> Anyway, we were wowed by the interior that we didn't take pictures inside.

And finally... what does this look like to you?

Disturbing eh?

Cacio e Pepe

2010-05-25T01:17:00.009+08:00

Never thought there would be such a cosy Italian restaurant near my house. Even more so, never thought they would be near the industrial area of Tai Seng. Tucked away from the main road along Upper Paya Lebar road is Cacio e Pepe. The Italian words mean cheese and pepper, two ingredients commonly found in Italian cuisine.

I love the cosy interior lined with large, comfortable furniture which makes it all homely and welcoming. Not only so, the service was very prompt and friendly. The manager, possibly the 'lady boss' was very patient in recommending food.

Lumache
Price: S$14.00 + 10% service charge
Rating:

For starter, we shared a Lumache, which is prawns and escagots cooked in a rich tomato sauce. This is really interesting because we don't really get escagots cooked this way and neither do we find escagots in Italian food. But this was my highlight of my meal. The prawns and escagots were very fresh and the tomato sauce was exquisite. I could even taste the garlic and basil in the sauce which was fantastic.

Penne Bolognese
Price: S$18.00 + 10% service charge
Rating:

The Penne Bolognese was hardly anything fanciful. What I really appreciated was the generous amount of minced beef in the sauce. Otherwise it is quite ordinary. Makes a good choice for those who don't fancy seafood.

Risotto Granchio
Price: S$20.00 + 10% service charge
Rating:

This makes one of the reasons why I love and hate risotto. The Risotto Granchio is awesome on the taste buds. Granchio is Italian for crab so this risotto contains crab meat, zucchini and white wine cherry tomatoes in a rich cheesy tomato sauce. Risottos are lovely to eat when you're at the first half of the plate. Then it gets heavier because it's just so starchy. Apparently, this is the second most popular risotto on the menu, the first being Nero de Seppia which is the squid ink risotto.

Rum Lava Cake
Price: S$15.00 + 10% service charge
Rating:

Such dinners are not complete without dessert. I would have picked tiramisu but the lava cake was top of the list. I'm not a chocolate fan. I know I've said this many times despite the numerous times I've raved about something chocolate. The lava cake was divine because it's not just chocolate, it had rum in it too which made it perfect. The vanilla ice-cream was a good and refreshing.

There's just so much on the menu to choose from I already know what I'll be planning to eat on my next visit.

Cacio e Pepe
4/6 Rochdale Road
Singapore 535817
Telephone: (+65) 6281 1905
Website: www.cacioepepe.com.sg
Service rating:

Principles of life

2010-05-13T16:53:00.002+08:00

A few things that I've been reminded just this week alone.

1. I'm a slave to nothing but righteousness.
2. I don't please man but God. That means no place for pride or low self-esteem.
3. Everything that's of this world is meaningless, everything but living for God.
4. God values a contrite heart above the act of sacrifice.

Nantsuttei Ramen

2010-05-11T12:01:00.001+08:00

Ramen is quite the rage these days and there are so many Japanese ramen shops popping up everywhere. But the really cool thing is that different Ramen shops make uniquely flavoured Ramen all supposedly true to different parts of Japan. I've personally visited quite a few Ramen places and I still can't decide which is the best on my list. Nevertheless, I had Nantsuttei Ramen which was roughly publicised in the new opening of Parco at Millenia Walk.

Nantsuttei Ramen
Price: S$12.00 + 10% service charge + 7% GST
Rating:

Nantsuttei Ramen consists of a rich creamy tonkatsu broth with light springy noodles, sweet crunchy bean sprouts and a couple of slices of cha shu. A tamago would cost a dollar more. But it was fairly worth it. The unique addition to this Ramen is the 'Ma oil', which is a blend of seven types of deep-fried garlic and sesame oil. This explains why the soup looks black.

Rest assured that you're not going to eat anything burnt. I'm just suspecting that one of types of garlic used is naturally black. If you're a huge garlic fan and you want more garlic, Nantsuttei Ramen serves raw garlic with a garlic-crusher and you just have apply DIY to your soup. It does give a significant difference in taste with raw garlic added.

I love the noodles. They cook them with a timed boiler that ensures that nothingvgets overcooked. The bean sprouts were a nice addition. I'm not a fan of bean sprouts but for some reason, their bean sprouts were particularly sweet. I'm not sure if I was just lucky that day. The ajitsuke tamago wasn't the best I've had though. I prefer my tamago prepared with soy sauce. And the texture of it could have been better.

Nantsuttei Ramen definitely does it for one of the more unique and perhaps traditional Japanese ramens in Singapore. The place is run by Japanese and as usual, don't be surprised at seeing a queue outside the shop.

Nantsuttei Ramen
PARCO Marina Bay
9 Raffles Boulevard
#P3-02 Millenia Walk
Singapore 039596
Telephone: (+65) 6543 2123
Service rating:

True Colours?

2010-04-28T21:41:00.002+08:00

Don't know what to think sometimes. But I'm not even hoping to morph into that beautiful swan. You say inner beauty is more important than anything else but 90% of the time you're picking off my physical flaws.

Beauty magazines promote low self esteem but guys like you contribute to it too.

If there's nothing to appreciate about me, then stay the heck away. I'm tired of feeling unpretty around you.

A Breathless Moment 舞台

2010-04-23T22:12:00.008+08:00

Sometimes it's just hard to write a script on a foreign subject smacked in your face. And that was how I felt when I had to deal with writing A Breathless Moment. Nevertheless, I never regretted doing it. Not because it's a great success now but because it taught me to overcome the fear and dislike of writing something that's not in my interest. I had complained throughout the writing process that I didn't feel for the story. But I knew I was wrong when I felt uneasy about the ommitance of certain elements in the script because of logistical issues. And I'm thankful that whatever that was lacking in me in giving the story life, Luo Min could make up for it. I did a journal for my solo assignment this semester on my role as a writer. Apparently no one has done a research piece on this role, which sort of surprised me. But the journal records only the technical aspects of it. I never mentioned the struggles I went through personally as I had mentioned above.

Shabu Shi

2010-04-10T13:20:00.006+08:00

It's been a long time since I raved about food. Just last Saturday, the weather was wet and chilly, so my mom suggested we have steamboat. And we found this place in the Ang Mo Kio hub. It's apparently not the first outlet. Shabu Shi serves steamboat and sushi buffet off a conveyor belt. So even your food for steamboat come in small servings on little plates.

Clearly this isn't buffet for people with high class taste buds. The food is simple with varieties of vegetables, meat and seafood. There was fish maw and salmon belly. And of course they serve basic sushi and hand rolls. On the side there's also fried food, which is nothing to rave about.

What I really appreciate about the place is the freshness of the food. Each person gets a personal pot and variety of sauces to choose from. The conveyor belt is always filled with food. Since there was just the 2 of us, mom and I sat at the bar counter. It was really convenient taking the food we wanted.

The service is also prompt and accomodating. The wait-staff are quick to refill the pots and clear used plates. If there's something you want that's not on the conveyor belt, you can ask the waiter for it.

It is a great place for small gatherings. Students and senior citizens pay a cheaper rate. There's an outlet in Golden Mile Complex and one coming up in Hougang Mall.

Shabu Shi
53 Ang Mo Kio Ave 3
#01-40 Ang Mo Kio Hub
Singapore 569933
Telephone: (+65) 6484 3313
Buffet rating:

Lenten

2010-04-04T21:23:00.003+08:00

Lent was not significant for me this year until Maundy Thursday when I insisted on going to a church because I felt I had to go to the table of mercy. On Maundy Thursday, Jesus had his last supper with his disciples and made an invitation for them to eat the bread of life and drink the blood that cleanses them. I wanted to go because I wanted to seek Jesus again, after all the selfish ambitions that had toyed with my mind. I knew I had to re-dedicate my purpose and will to Him.

Finally today, we celebrate His resurrection. And I remember where my hope lies and my source of salvation. Because Jesus died a painful death and rose to life, I should worship and honour Him. That even if all would fall away, my faith will still remain.

When all is done

2010-03-31T11:40:00.000+08:00

Finally it's over, all diploma productions. Finally normality can ensue. Now moving on to solo project, essay, presentation and all the things that I've missed out.

It's strange and amazing how a production can change rapport between people. Mind you, this isn't a bitching post but I've developed opinions of certain people and it's quite apparent who the people in my circle of understanding are.

I respect directors who care for their crew and who allow their crew to do their magic for the film. Crew members aren't exactly minions but have a mind of their own and each person gets their work done differently. I guess directors and producers should respect that. A film could have been better if the director had given his crew space to work. I've contributed to all the diploma productions but I think I have the least ownership in yours. If having a tight reign wasn't enough, you give a vibe that you're better than everyone else. That's not cool for me.

It's just a diploma film, that's true. But that doesn't mean we use that as an excuse to lax on the making. After all, everyone wants the films to travel. If so, shouldn't we try to make it with industry standards? I remember a lecturer commending us on the fact that we don't let ourselves use the excuse of us being students to give low standards. But there's a fine line between laxing and working within means. Across all films, so much money had been unecessarily spent on various things. And people seem to think using an adaptor for primes made the film and the crew look more professional. I don't think it makes any difference. Personally the only good thing that came out of it was that we had an experience with a prime lens adaptor. I don't think the adaptor is a piece of crap but I don't think it's a gift from God either. What has it done for us other than create conflict? And the images that came out of it, I don't know what to say about them. To each their own preference maybe.

It's back to complaining about the school's curriculum for us and the fact that I still think I'm not learning enough. Why should people even need to fight for the roles they want to play? This concludes that level 2 had been a big disaapointment for me. The only role I appreciated having was being the appointed writer for one of the diploma films. My role as a cam op didn't boast very much because of, yet again, the adaptor. I couldn't do proper camera movements. It's actually bad for my ego.

Apart from the negative things, of course there have been people I really appreciate working with, who had been supportive and were consciously doing things for the benefit of the films.

Don't really know what to feel but Savage Garden's Crash and Burn always remind me of you.

On Production, On set

2010-03-16T00:09:00.003+08:00

I spent my birthday shooting. Sounds quite sad right? But I'm not exactly complaining. After all, I spent the day doing something I feel a lot for.

It took me once to know I don't like being an AD, twice to know I suck at it, thrice to swear to myself never to be an AD unless the director is a close friend. Seriously, the job sucks. People like to say the job of an AD is VERY important. But no one, and I mean no one, gives a rat's ass about the AD.

Anyway, we're halfway through the production and I hope everyone survives it well. We have a crew that's tiny but a tad quarrelsome and defensive and short fused. I personally find it challenging to keep my cool. All I have left to keep me from losing it is a scriptural reminder to serve intentionally and not see it as just a job.

I can't wait... for a break to come again. The simple enjoyments in life....

All the way my Saviour leads me

2010-03-08T13:28:00.002+08:00

Sang this song yesterday which reminded me big time of who the most important person in my life is.

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood

And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
All the way my Savior leads me

Had lunch with Kimberly yesterday and I realised that I really miss my girls a lot. So glad to hear you're growing Kim!

Too many lows and too little highs

2010-03-01T11:47:00.002+08:00

I should really be writing my essay instead of blogging but I'm sick and tired. My mind's a blank just when I need it to work out ideas and execution plans. Every film I'm involved in has it's problems and obstacles. And the bad things that happen outweigh the good. It's quite frustrating and I am feeling like crap. It's the usual the-whole-freaking-world-is-better-than-me feeling. It's bad.

Felt ashamed for forgetting my purpose in film school and now challenging myself to remember it. At the same time, I'm trying to leash up the occasional competitive streak. People who know me well and read this blog, remind me when I get competitive and unnecessarily upset.

I thought I could have half a day off or something to chill. It's not happening anymore.

Complain complain

2010-02-17T22:22:00.002+08:00

CNY is pretty much over. It had swallowed quite some energy and took away time I had wanted to use for assignments, in particularly, Luo Min's script. But the days were packed with visiting and socialising that I couldn't accomplish anything. Then of course I can't discount the fact that we(me and my cousins) were happy to see each other and whine to each other about school and life. And we played bingo on new year's eve. My uncle actually bought a bingo set. It was kind of fun except I lost 5 bucks. And my cousin won 3 times. That's living proof of how unfair this world is.

I'm up to the 4th draft of Luo Min's script but till now I'm disturbingly not engaged with the story. I'm not really feeling enough for it. In fact it doesn't sound like a solid story to me. But people have been seeing things I don't see out of my script. Makes me feel strange. And I do get critical of myself for not being able to write cleverly. Now I find it hard to write a decent screenplay.

I haven't recovered any sleep from Shu Ming's production. The sleep debt is enormous. I can actually feel traces of any intelligence in my brain vanishing.

Still haven't had my chillout, a time to sit back and not think of anything. So much to worry about: my script, mardhiah's essay, james' cast, seng yew's art, directing exercise, helping liang, my miserable life...

2010-02-10T15:29:00.002+08:00

It's been bad and awfully hard to stay joyful, though I try to laugh it off and have fun with my classmates. I'm starting to really love the song Bad Day. I find myself getting petty and counting the cost of whether it was worth it for me to be involved in Shu Ming's thesis film. Because of it, I've missed a full week's worth of lessons, emptied my bank account, lost 90% of my sleep, got frustrated and committed sins, had my wrist injured, abandoned my diploma responsibilities, did a shabby job for directing exercises which pissed people off. The list can go on. Wen-Wei gave me a challenge and that is to constantly aim to be a channel of blessing. It is a challenge not because I find it hard to love people but the amount of commitment at hand is stifling it all.

Anyway my right wrist is pretty handicapped at the moment. I can't write properly, neither can I eat or brush my teeth with my right hand. Ah well. It is quite amusing how people get gan cheong when I try to do something with my right hand. At least it's a little better now with anti inflammatory cream and a wrist guard.

I need some chillout.

It's tragic

2010-01-22T12:14:00.002+08:00

I've confined myself to a corner in the esplanade with iced passionfruit tea to write my diploma script. It's not happening. The story that is. I'm trying to fight that competitiveness because I think it's hindering me. I'm trying to write a good dialogue but my brain is dead. I need some divine intervention, so I pray.

And there're these 2 dudes sitting not so far away from me talking about a story idea for film and the budget for it. I'm very.. curious.. Hmm.. Argh.. Distracted.

Bleah

2010-01-19T22:47:00.003+08:00

I don't know where to begin. But school is just disappointment after disappointment. My pitch for diploma film didn't get picked. Fine. Now there's another directing exercise which I wanted to use as an opportunity to DP. Of course it was just wishful thinking. Now I don't even get my second choice which is to edit one of the exercises. I've been thrown into sound, the most shunned role of all. I'm trying to take it positively though it's not really taking any disappointment away. Should I have gone to compete to be one of the directors? Maybe I should.

Somehow I feel like I've achieved nothing for the past 3 semesters. All I did was an acceptable solo last semester. Thats all. There's nothing for me to be proud of. Some people think I'm just being hard on myself. That might be true. I confess I'm my worst judge.

I having like full blown PMS this month. It's probably the worst in my entire life. I'm super irritable. My mood swings are horrible. And I caught a cold which thankfully is going away. I'm being anti-social. Because it's probably good for my screenwriting at this point and also because I can't fake smiles. People don't seem to think I should be disappointed for some reason.

At some point today I remembered the song "Give them all to Jesus". I think that's the only place I can find peace. Perhaps all the disappointment is given to make me return to Him. Whatever it is, the LORD is my refuge and strength, my portion in times of need.

It's a new year again

2010-01-01T01:58:00.002+08:00

So another 365 days just whizzed pass. It's really too quick for comfort. All around me, people celebrate. But inside, I feel like crap. This year, I'd have officially lived a quarter of a century but I don't think I've grown up. Then again it's quite vague, what growing up really mean. I'm still trying to get a hold of my life, taking control of relationships only to realise there're so many things that are beyond my control. I guess it's something God has been trying to teach me. But I'm always rushing into a brick wall and getting myself hurt after that. And worse, hurting others too. Brings to mind a song I've heard many years back:

It really is a miracle that I have come this far.
Without a hope without a prayer without a guiding star.
In spite of my nativity and many dreams betrayed,
I know I would not be here now but for Mistakes I Made

So many times I've tried to change things out of my control.
The jealousy and all the rage that swallowed me up whole.
The years that I spent loving those who did not feel the same.
The times I didn't trust myself with only me to blame.

These things have taught me what is real
How to laugh how to cry how to love without regret and
when to say hello..or goodbye
I know whatever comes my way my dues have all been paid.
For you would not be in my life,
but for Mistakes I Made

But for Mistakes I Made
Who knows who I would be
Some other heart some other soul
Some other destiny
But for the times I took a wrong turn unafraid
I might have missed it all
But for Mistakes I Made

Happy new year.

i had an awesome christmas

2009-12-27T17:48:00.003+08:00

I had made some effort to get into the Christmas mood and cheer, and shopping for gifts for my girls helped a lot. I get the best retail therapy from shopping for gifts for people. It's fun cos I know I have to buy something at the end of the day. Anyway Christmas service was great! It's the first time I see my mom in a sari and my dad dressed as one of the wise men. Haha. And Kaleo did a great performance. We should do that again sometime. Bet it was fun!

The wee hours of Christmas day was spent catching Sherlock Holmes with my best mates from church. But the best part of Christmas was having steamboat at Terence's. It was really cosy. Imagine steamboat on a cold night with Christmas carols playing in the background. Simple but it's rare to come by such moments. Besides I love steamboat!

Saturday, I spent the whole day being a zombie. It was alright I guess, cos with all that make-up I'm pretty sure I wasn't recognisable.. I hope. I only hope the film will make it so our sacrifices won't be wasted. Haha.

Recently, I had gotten into playing tf2 again. And I'm far from pro, contrary to what some people like to think. But this time I'm just playing it for fun, so I'm not gonna get too demanding on myself or get anywhere near pro-ness for that matter.

I got my results and I ain't too happy. But aiya, can't expect high grades all the time. I guess I have to learn contentment again and stop demanding.

New year's coming. It's so fast, the way the years just go by. It's like I got so much I want to do but so little time. I'm like mid-twenties but I really feel like I'm still nineteen. I haven't really grown up. Still want to run and chase my dreams...

Blessed Christmas!

2009-12-25T03:45:00.002+08:00

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to thy Perfect Light

Born a King on Bethlehem's plain
Gold I bring to crown Him again
King forever, ceasing never
Over us all to rein

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

Frankincense to offer have I
Incense owns a Deity nigh
Pray'r and praising, all men raising
Worship Him, God most high

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume
Breathes of life of gathering gloom
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying
Sealed in the stone-cold tomb

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

Glorious now behold Him arise
King and God and Sacrifice
Alleluia, Alleluia
Earth to heav'n replies

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

musing for the third time

2009-12-16T21:11:00.002+08:00

This is the third time I'm blogging this month. Haha. But it's not because I'm super free or anything like that, just that blogging takes my mind off stuff sometimes.

Back to the topic of internship again. I just remembered it's.. yeah.. internship. The long hours have driven me a little mad. I think I've said that before. But yea, the hours make me dizzy. And it's worse now because half the crew is missing. We've gotten new grips and a new AD, a new cam crew too and the production team just got cut by half. It's probably a good thing the art team is still intact although the stress is causing some friction. I, on the other hand, dread the coming chore of digitising the behind-the-scenes footage, not to mention edit.

As always there have been good and bad times. Certain shooting days were more 'fun' because of the location like the freezer and bridal boutique. And today, it was this abandoned compound with a few buildings. And Skye and I still fondly recall the day we inhaled petrol for three hours, travelled across Singapore literally with dysfunctional brakes, have container trucks speeding towards us, and crawled under a bus in Tuas to take pictures. We could've died in many ways that day, add on the fact that it was pouring.

Today, we baked in the morning sun and I've got tan lines. My neck hurts. And I had planned to go to Sentosa somewhere next week. I'm gonna find out if I could slap huge amounts of sun screen and sun block on the tanned portions and tan the rest of my body. It's annoying to have only my neck and arms tanned. But then, today was one of those days that the colour of the sky was the most beautiful blue. And I adore very much the rich blue colour the sky has on sunny mornings.

Christmas is coming I just realised and I've a long list of things I wish for. Sigh. We live in a material world. I'm still bitter about losing my money to making a new IC. I could have gotten new clothes. And I want a new PC and iphone. But looking at the way things are going, I'm not going to possess any of those anytime soon. Maybe I should just learn to appreciate what I already have. I've decided to complain less.

Ultimately, it's still the simple things in life like going for walks, sitting by the beach, being around nature that's therapeutic. It's doing the things I love. And perhaps eating the stuff I like, like strawberry yogurt. Haha. I've drank strawberry milk, eaten strawberry yogurt, and strawberry sorbet, but I still want more. I guess strawberries are truly my favourite fruit and flavour.

I haven't played Guild Wars for an uber long time. I really need to get my PC fixed up and start playing again.

faraway dreams and lofty ideas

2009-12-14T09:36:00.002+08:00

I guess it had been good for me to be at camp for a short while to see how my girls were doing. And even more so to listen to Ebby preach.

And that made me think again.

My current education is sucking my life; I've got a schedule from hell. And it's easy to fall into the trap of wanting fame and awards and recognition, and forget why I chose this to start with. I want to make films that'll make the world a better place. I want to make films that'll bring salvation to people, films that are against films of this world. That's why I came here. Why should anything else matter?

Perhaps I have been straying. And now I'm reminded of the little things that make one impure. It's the biblical moral standards that I have to follow and not my own nor the world's. If I had been more devoted to God, perhaps I'd have been more immune to all the crap happening around me. I am going mad, and so I'm reverting back to reading the Psalms. It is still good to praise the Lord.

2009-12-13T00:01:00.002+08:00

I officially declare that my life sucks now. All those filming into the wee hours has turned my body clock upside down. And I don't find myself learning anymore from the internship, like whatever lesson I should've learnt, I have already by now. Still there have been some precious contacts made. I can't wait for it to be over and I think everyone shares the same sentiments. I'm totally looking forward to my holiday which will only start like three weeks before school reopens. Even then, I have to finish the LDP masterclass edit and write Luo Min's script. ARGH!

Oh and did I mention I lost my card case some time back? I lost it on location and so I lost my atm cards, IC and student pass. I'm still mourning because I had to use my shopping money for the holiday to get me a new IC. Seriously man, how much more unfortunate can I get? Ok it could have been worse but still...

Somehow I'm craving for the simple things in life now like strawberry yogurt, sitting by a quiet and peaceful beach, going for walks, looking at the stars (I should get telescopic lenses for that), or watching one of those films I've named in my "Films to watch before I die" list. It's probably a good thing I haven't got any craving for retail therapy.. yet.

Anyway, I'm low on finance and low on health and I look like crap too. I hope it'll be better soon. I'm going mad.

2009-11-24T11:00:00.002+08:00

Finally we're done with another semester. And it had been a rough ride because so many shoots cramped together. But overall it had been a disappointing semester because I found myself not learning very much from the Kill Bill and FLW exercises. My solo was pretty mediocre and I lost the pitch which means I'll probably never get to make a film of my own within film school.

And I found some photos, which I never posted here.

That was one of the Kill Bill exercises and the huge photo at the bottom was from FLW which is French Lieutenant's Woman.

Now I'm serving my internship on Wee Li Lin's second feature called Forever. And I'm tasked to make a behind-the-scenes video. I have no idea how I'm gonna do that to be honest. But I'll just take whatever comes my way. I got some pictures of the set too which I don't think is a good idea to be posted at the moment. But the set looks awesome aesthetically. Anyway, much of my holidays will be spent on set, during which I get to observe the camera crew and scrutinise the Red Cam. It's one of the great motivations of being on set somehow.

I had been uber, extremely, overboard upset about losing the pitch. Don't ask me why. I only knew it mattered to me so much after I didn't get selected. Even now I get pangs of disappointment and moodiness from it. But I had been assigned to write Veronica's script, so I guess it isn't that bad.

I guess I try to compensate for a failure by crewing on many projects just so I'd do something maybe. I had agreed to work with my seniors on two thesis films and will be part of 4 of my classmates' diploma films. I might be killing myself but I don't really want to pull out of any of them at all. That's like the outlook for the next few months to come.

A Time to Think

2009-11-16T00:19:00.004+08:00

Admittedly, I was reluctant to go for the leader's retreat during the weekend. But as always, it did much good. I guess it's that time I need occasionally to sit and think about all that I'm doing, both in ministry and in pursuing my dream.

Retreat was at this resort right at the end of Singapore and I guess it was good in a way. Being totally out of the city allowed me some clarity of thought without distractions, and for once in a many weeks, I could pray without rushing.

Then I went out and wandered around as I always do. Walking is therapeutic for me. Then I decided to take out my 3.2 megapixel phone camera and snap.

Phone cameras are downright lousy. It was hard to snap any good pictures at all. So the colour was off, the exposure was hideous and the focus was non-existent. Nevertheless, walking and looking at stuff made me realise I had not admired God for a long time. Maybe that's why I can't wait to bring out my camera for a walk again. Somehow it makes me think of God and appreciate the things He created.

Unexpected

2009-11-07T10:43:00.005+08:00

After 2 solos, finally something watchable. At least I could say I worked a little harder on this one and had been a lot more determined to keep my story against all odds. During the mid-year holidays I came up with the story and from then, racked my brains to write the script (4 drafts) and summarising it to fit a ridiculously short time of 8 minutes.

I had talked to many people about it, about how The Good Samaritan can be placed in today's context. And through observing society for a short while, there're many possibilities. Taking the train to school, I see very frequently people not giving up their seats to pregnant ladies or elderly people. What happened to kindness? I could have made a film based on something more mundane (and I had thought of doing so) but an encounter with a dying person seems more jarring.

So based on the biblical account of The Good Samaritan, 3 people from different walks of life encounter separately a dying person in a back alley and 3 of them responded differently. I guess if the duration was stretched a little more, I would have developed more concrete characters and added more meat to the bones. Then again, I guess I have to be thankful for having an impressive cast. They have half the credit of making the story more convincing.

2009-10-30T00:32:00.002+08:00

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Strange, how some of the words fit in more ways than one. It's like a crossroad and I'm feeling lost, very lost, like I'm all alone. You probably won't know how many teardrops have fell, how wrong many things are. I just.. wanna.. go home...

Oh the unending busyness and the staunch fatigue

2009-10-25T15:04:00.003+08:00

I'm having one of those moments again. The kind of moment where the world stops and I start thinking and emo-ing about life, about what I had been through, about good and bad times in my life, feeling a moment of joy at the happy times and then moments of sadness that those times can never come again. It's one of those moments coincidentally accompanied by Michael Bublé's Home that I'm having now.

A lot and I mean A LOT happened since the last time I blogged.

Just after we were done with our Kill Bill remakes, we thought that's going to be it. But we had the French Lieutenant Woman project slapped on us amidst countless other assignments and that took up a huge amount of our time. So much work added and so much disruption to our momentum. But we should have been used to that by now. So that and those countless other assignments account for the little sleep I had been having. Now I believe I have a sleep debt of more than a hundred hours.

Despite the fatigue and hard work, it was fun and those shoots had fostered stronger bonds among us and I had made a new best friend whom I appreciate very much. Thank you for being there almost all the time. In a way the shoots were enjoyable because of the people.

I had filmed and submitted my solo as well as helped some others on their solos. Generally I'm not very happy with my final product. And there are many reasons for that. The sound was far from good and I had to design a soundscape for the outdoor scene which was not successful at all. Most of the shots were fine but I expected more. But still, I guess I should be contented with the fact that it is an improvement from my previous solos. It was hard squeezing my story into eight minutes.

Now I need to worry about the pitch for diploma film. I can still remember stepping into Lasalle last year and now we're working on out diploma films. It's just scary. I had been selected to go for a second round of pitch and my story isn't concrete. So I'm fussing a bit over it, racking my brains for ideas. And there're still assignments to be done the last three weeks of semester, stuff like my non-existent essay.

That's mostly what I had been doing. All the late nights and poor diet had weakened me. Ironically, all the physical work had toughened me up a bit and I'm getting some unwanted muscles. I had lost some weight too and my face spells fatigue.

I'm going to be involved in Wee Li Lin's next feature during the hols. But what I'm really looking forward to is some rest, going for walks with my camera, spending time chilling with great company.

Hmm.. I need to get hold of some photos from shoots to post up here...

Posting for the sake of posting

2009-09-22T10:05:00.002+08:00

Here's some personal update.

I'm still suffering from occasional hangovers from the Kill Bill shoot last two weeks. Photos for the first one are up in flickr.. I'm currently still too lazy to put them up here. No time!!! Anyway, it's gonna look equally busy the second half of semester, with the breast cancer foundation documentary and French Lieutenant Woman projects coming up.

Next piece of news is.. I'm on Facebook! T.T I know many people are gloating at my downfall.. bleah.. I'm gonna search for long lost people, ex teachers and lecturers. Practically the whole world is on it even my parents -.- and i've succumbed to the insidiousness of FB.

My PC died. Oh well, four years is a long time. Time to upgrade ^^

Lighting

2009-08-20T23:59:00.015+08:00

We never had this in our first year, which was a real shame. Imagine, we're second-year film students and we're clueless about lights and lighting techniques. At least this academic year, we have a lot more intensive lessons on camera, lighting and cinematography. We've had a couple of lessons and they were very useful and practical.

We were given exercises and scenarios to create. It wasn't so much of mimicking but really trying to achieve certain forms of lighting and learning what effects different lights bring.

One of the exercises was to light an object up without creating shadows. We thought it was going to be difficult but we figured the trick to doing that from experimenting and putting together different lights and filters. And the trick was to shine soft light on the object and that would create a very faint shadow or no shadow at all. So if you saw the picture on the right, we bounced light off a styrofoam board and further soften the light with a diffusers. At the end, the whole setup looked like some science experiment.

Then we were given the exercise to create sunlight. For that, many of us automatically grabbed HMIs. HMIs are lights that are made to literally produce light of similar colour temperature as the sun. To make it look like the evening sun, we added an orange gel, the proper name being Colour Temperature Orange (CTB). (Something we found out not too long ago as well.)

The following lesson was a lot more challenging. We were given commercial ads that had models posed nicely. And we had to identify the setup that was used to achieve the look. This was more of a mimic now, but it taught us pretty well, because we had to learn from experience. So we had some of us posed and then we put up the lights. Overall, we did pretty decent jobs and I can't emphasise it more; that we learnt a lot.

Then we lit up glassware, with reference to beer ads. It was pretty interesting and another challenge altogether. I remember a lesson I had last semester, about 3-point lighting and also colour temperature.

image from wikipedia

3-point lighting is almost like a standard setup. How we achieve different stuff is really based on creativity, on working around. There isn't really a hard and fast fixed method to achieving anything.

This entry would probably serve to remind me of the lessons in lighting. It was a module truly appreciated.

2009-08-01T23:53:00.003+08:00

Yay, its the first post of the month and I'm here to lament. School starts in a day to be exact. Boohoo. Ok not that I hate school. I chose to go back to it to start with. But on first look at my timetable, its 9-6 mondays to fridays. >.> And it dawned on me that we're seniors now. =/

So holidays have ended. And I've not achieved all that I've set out to do during the hols, one of which is packing my room. I never got down to doing it. I never got down to doing a lot of things particularly because my time was given to work and spending time with people. Well I guess its time to adjust back to school life again.

We just had nice birthday dinner for dad at The Paramount. The Paramount had been around for many years. It's a restaurant under Tung Lok. People who love chinese ala carte buffets should go there. Besides, we were served by a waitress who was awesome. She was so attentive and friendly to us. Last Saturday, we met up with friends at Oosh, a semi luxurious place located at Demsey for dining and drinking. I had never heard of the place prior to last week and I thought the name sounds kind of dodgy. But it is different from what I thought it was. The place is huge with multiple dining areas both indoors and outdoors, so atmosphere and setting are wonderful. The food was pretty good but quite overpriced. I guess sometimes its the kind of people that go there too. We drove into the restaurant's private car park and saw a lambo and a porche. That makes me uneasy about that place to be honest. Anyway, no reviews for The Paramount and Oosh. If you are really curious, go check them out. These places taught me that dining isn't just about food, it's an experience. Some people call it a lifestyle. But believe it or not, I eat to live.

I'm am so going to be challenged by my resolution to keep the Sabbath holy. Because I hadn't been doing so last semester and I suffered spiritually. I guess its true that disobedience has its consequence. It's time again to look at my vision in film, an end result I'm working towards. It gets clearer and clearer what I want to do. Facing the Giants and Fireproof have been a great source of inspiration and that is where I want to go.

Cherries make my world go round

2009-07-29T00:03:00.006+08:00

Cherries are one of my favourite fruits but I don't eat them often, particularly because it's expensive. But I found some on sale so I got them. I love cherries since I was a kid, especially the canned ones, those that you find on cakes. No prizes for guessing why. To me they were the sweetest things on earth. Anyway, when I grew up a little more, I was fed fresh cherries instead and I loved them.

On the side note, cherries contain potent antioxidants and have anti inflammatory properties. They are rich also in vitamin C. Plus one of my favourite desserts is the Cherry Jubilee, which consists of fresh cherries flambéed in liquor and served with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It's unique to a Russian restaurant, Shashlik.

I found these cherries cheap and appealing because they seem to have a perfect dark shade of red and their skins reflected a natural shine. I felt compelled to take a picture. If you look carefully enough, you may even see my reflection in the cherry.

On my way home one evening last week, I came across my favourite stray cat below my block. She had been around for a while and she's very obviously aging. I remember why I liked her. She doesn't get into fights with the other cats often. The strays in my neighbourhood gets into a fight every other day, probably because the estate is over-populated. Cats are everywhere. And they will stick around because my neighbours feed them regularly.

So that evening I sat there and played with her and watched her clean herself and took this picture. She has inspired me to go out and keep a photo journal of strays because some of them are really beautiful cats, like her. And I remember taking this picture of her some years back.

Pete's Place

2009-07-24T14:17:00.006+08:00

It had been a while since we had a proper date so we set aside an evening to dine and talk and basically have a date. We chose Pete's Place because of its reputation and particularly because I had been there in my childhood and had never forgotten the excellent dining experience I had there when I was young.

Located at the basement of the Grand Hyatt, Pete's Place is subtly tucked away with a small entrance to the left of the hotel's main entrance. Like before, it is rustic with brick walls and wooden furniture. The walls are lined with paintings and the plates had nice rustic looking flower motifs. It's like being brought back in time.

Pete's Place serves very regular Italian food but with authenticity, from appetisers to pizzas, pastas, risottos, and delighting Italian deserts. And because we arrived there before 7pm, we were given complimentary access to the salad bar.

Deep fried seafood
Price: S$18.00 + 10% service charge + 7% GST
Rating:

It came with a much more glamorous Italian name. Just that I rely on receipts to remember complicated dish names that come in other languages >.> Whatever it is, it was awesome. I dare say they serve some of the best fried calamari rings. It wasn't battered. Instead it was lightly breaded with flour and deep fried. And not only was there calamari rings but also prawns that were similarly fried. The seafood was very light and not oily at all which made it less filling and a little guilt-free.

Spaghetti Carbonara
Price: S$24.00 + 10% service charge + 7% GST
Rating:

Not only is the restaurant rustic in its decor and ambience but also in it's food. I love particularly the large bits of bacon in the Carbonara. It seems that the quality of bacon or prosciutto used in Carbonara does affect the final outcome. However, it is a little heavy but the quantity served was just right.

Pizza Pam-Pam
Price: S$22.00 + 10% service charge + 7% GST
Rating:

I have to apologise for the bad picture. I am still lamenting about how bad the camera attached to my new mobile is. Anyway, this is one of the most interesting pizzas I've ever eaten. It is a half-calzone and half-pizza filled with mortadella, mozzarella and ricotta. On the pizza are minced sausages, cherry tomatoes, garlic, fresh red chili, more mozzarella topped with fresh basil. I was half hoping it would be a thin crust pizza but it wasn't. But on the first bite, the crust was still crisp and had the fragrance of freshly baked bread, it suddenly didn't matter whether it was thin-crust or not. The cheese was great because coincidentally, two of my favourite cheeses are in there. So simply put, I love it.

Tiramisu
Price: S$10.00 + 10% service charge + 7% GST
Rating:

I love tiramisu and it's rare that like a dessert. However, the price for this tiramisu is kind of steep. I figured maybe it's because of the quality. True enough, the fragrance of the coffee and liquor used came through every bite. I wish the portion was bigger. Can never have enough of the creamy, alcoholic, fragrant cream cheese.

Food is a hit in Pete's Place. But it wasn't just the food that impressed, their service is to be raved about. We were promptly served iced water upon being seated (something you don't see that often anymore) and the waiter took time to patiently explained whatever we had to ask about the menu. When being served, they knew we were ordering to share and gave us separate plates. After which dish, we had our plates changed.

Pete's Place certainly met beyond my expectations. I had heard good things about it and remember my experience there was I was a child. The experience there is still positive and I will return again. If you're looking for a great dining place for a romantic date or just a get-together with friends, Pete's Place accommodates all. Just remember that the dress code is smart casual.

Pete's Place
Grand Hyatt Singapore
10 Scotts Road
Basement, Grand Wing
Singapore 228211
Telephone: (+65) 6732 1234
Service rating:

MaMa Bakery

2009-07-19T15:25:00.003+08:00

Japanese products seem to have conquered a good portion of our food and retail industry. Today we have hundreds of Japanese restaurants and eateries, and even street food. And then we Japanese retail outlets like Muji and Daiso. One of our biggest bookshops is Japanese too. But not too long ago, a Japanese lady started this bakery. And the bread is awesome.

A Japanese lady came to Singapore with her children who are Japanese expats. In order to pass her time doing something useful, she opened MaMa Bakery. Obviously, being a Japanese bakery, it sells bread that is uniquely Japanese like An Pan (red bean bun) and Melon Pan (melon bread). These are commonly sold in bakeries all over Japan. Part of the bakery is a sitting area where customers can enjoy their freshly baked bread with a cup of coffee. MaMa Bakery also serves soup at a low price. From what I've heard about the bakery, their bread is baked fresh every day and they sell out by the end of the day. After 6 in the evening, prices are slashed by half.

I'm not exactly a bread or bun person but recently I've been eating them cos they're cheap and filling. Looking at the racks and trays of so many varieties of buns, it was hard to pick. But I managed to choose two savoury buns and some sweet ones. But first I have to introduce the Chocolate Bowl.

Chocolate Bowl
Price: S$2.50
Rating:

The Chocolate Bowl is a signature. It's a simple loaf of bread shaped like a big bowl that contains bits of dark chocolate. Like any normal bread, its fluffy and light and not too sweet which is what I like about it. Everyone who knows me knows I don't like chocolate. But I won't hesitate to have the Chocolate Bowl for tea, only because the chocolate flavour is light and not too overpowering. It just makes the perfect bread for tea and breakfast.

Crawfish Wasabi-mayo Bun (left)
Price: S$1.50
Rating:
Lobster Curry Bun (right)
Price: S$1.80
Rating:

I had chosen these two buns on impulse but of course I don't regret it. Seafood lovers, look out for the Crawfish Wasabi-mayo bun and the Lobster Curry bun. Each bun contains generous chunks of crawfish and lobster and that makes it value for money. The Crawfish Wasabi-mayo bun is quite filling because it has bits of cheese on it as well. But if you're not a wasabi lover, skip this because it contains enough wasabi to give you a kick in your nose. I'm not a mega fan of wasabi but I think that amount was just about right. For those who just can't take wasabi, op for the Lobster Curry bun. It contains a generous serving of lobster meat in a Japanese curry sauce all contained in a bun, sprinkled with curry powder. I had enjoyed it thoroughly.

Moving on to sweet buns, I picked the Green Tea Sesame An Pan, Melon Pan and Cranberry Cheese Chocolate bun. Each of them are uniquely delicious.

Melon Pan is very common in Japan and is even featured in some of the manga and anime. Of course, the most significant one to me would be Osaka in Azumanga Daioh. She likes to eat Melon Pan and I've never figured what Melon Pan is like until I saw it in MaMa Bakery. Because of its name, many would think that Melon Pan is made with perhaps a melon filling. But it isn't. It is named Melon Pan because of the way it looks, like a rock melon. It is a plain bun covered with a layer of sugary cookie dough that crisps up the top of the bun. And that makes every bite of it delicious. Of course, Japanese bakeries are constantly coming up with variations by adding melon flavouring, etc. This particular Melon Pan was more than what I had expected it to be. Although it looks pretty plain with no filling, it is actually very delicious and pleasing to the taste buds.

Melon Pan
Price: S$1.20
Rating:

An Pan or Red Bean Bun is another common bun in Japan. This is a modern variation. The bun is given a light green tea flavour with black sesame. What was awesome was the ample red bean filling which isn't too sweet and very smooth. It can be very annoying to have red bean skin in the filling. Not only was the filling perfect, it came in a generous amount. Every bite will certainly have red bean filling in it. So it's full points for this one.

Green Tea Black Sesame An Pan
Price: S$2.00
Rating:

If chocolate and cheesecake is your thing, then this is like the perfect bun. The bread is the same as the Chocolate bowl, with bits of dark chocolate embedded in it. The filling is made from cream cheese that resembles the regular cheesecake. It also contains dried cranberries that add extra sweetness to it. I had been apprehensive about getting this bun because its sounds so complicated having so many ingredients and flavours but they compliment each other well and its surprisingly light, although I don't really want to think about how many calories this bun contains.

Cranberry Cheese Chocolate Pan
Price: S$1.70
Rating:

MaMa Bakery is now my current favourite bakery. Not only is the bread reasonably priced, it tastes terrific too. It is definitely well worth a visit to buy bread or to sit and relax with your favourite bun and a cup of coffee.

MaMa Bakery
10 Sinaran Drive
Square 2
#02-06/07
Singapore 307506
Telephone: (+65) 6397 6789
Service rating:

Chili Con Carne

2009-07-09T16:13:00.005+08:00

It's been a while since I blog about any of my success in the kitchen. Not that I've been failing >.> just that it takes some excitement over the success to motivate me to write about it. Anyway I just made this a couple of hours ago and it turned out right.

Recently, I had developed a taste for South American food, much of which is spanish influenced. Chili con Carne translates to "chili and meat" literally and that is the base of this dish. It is a stew made from chili peppers, meat, garlic, onions and cumin and believed to have been invented in Mexico. I was incredulous about the cumin because its known to be an Indian spice. Then I realised some Mexicans were of Indian origin. Perhaps thats where the cumin came into the Chili con Carne. Originally, the stew contains only peppers and meat but as it travelled people made variations by adding tomatoes and beans and substituted beef for other kinds of meat.

I had thought of making it last week and bought for myself beef and went to search for various recipes. And this would be my own concoction partly because some recipes demand different kinds of chilies which I find unnecessary.

2009-07-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

Holidays are ending fast and it seem like I haven't run the errands I had planned to this holiday. Mostly thanks to work. Anyway, we managed to get Daniel and Ernest to play Guild Wars. Yay. I heard some classmates used this holiday to do their internship, which made think of mine. I had forgotten about it until someone mentioned it. Actually I'm quite picky and fussy about this because I'm strongly against going to some production house and capture tapes, import/export files, buy coffee for editor, stuff like that. Hopefully, it's possible to secure a screenwriting or photography internship. I have been introduced to FOF too, because they're starting some film project and need help. Would be awesome if I could do that.

I've thought of the story for my solo but I haven't written the script and now I'm having second thoughts. I think the story is complicated. But I don't have anymore ideas. Bleah.

I'm starting to like the eco-friendly bags. I got one from Cotton On some months back and it was very useful and compact. If I fold it nicely, I could pack it in a wallet. Yesterday I bought the Charles and Keith one, which is well-designed and stylish but I haven't opened it. It's even packed nicely in a box. So cool! Ok I'm quite a sucker for these thingies because they are comfortable to carry and they are friendly to the environment. And they're friendly to your pocket too.

Soon I'll be posting photos of church camp which is long overdue. Like almost a month.

The Dragonfly

2009-06-29T12:35:00.001+08:00

I was sifting through my photos and found these two which I had taken at the Bukit Batok Nature Reserve of two dragonflies.

Dragonflies never fail to amaze me. Beautiful and attractive, yet fierce and vicious. Perhaps that's why they are named the dragon-fly. They are predators hunting primarily mosquitoes, and other small insects like ants and flies. So basically they are like pest busters. I wonder if they would put up a fight with a praying mantis or my personal nemesis in the insect world, the roach.

My tutor used to tell me how she would go to the pond to catch dragonflies when she was young. Once she managed to grab a dragonfly by its tail, but it turned around and delivered a painful bite to her finger. Since then she didn't want to mess around with them. I've also heard from NS guys that they use dragonflies as wards against mosquitoes. I thought that was pretty ingenious.

Dragonflies are found mostly around lakes, ponds, rivers and wetlands because they spend the 'larvae' stage of their lives in water. This stage can last as long as five years for larger species, whereas smaller species experience this stage between two months to three years. Another cool fact I learnt about dragonflies is that they can't walk. They have six legs like all other insects but they are only able to fly. I guess the fact that they have dual pairs of wings make up for their inability to walk. Now I know why dragonflies keep still after landing, but are swift and quick in the air.

And that's about all the little educational bits of information on the dragonfly. ^^

2009-06-23T19:16:00.002+08:00

It had been such a gloomy day, because it started with sending Daniel, Ernest and their parents off early this morning. I went to the airport with my heart at the pit of my stomach. Two years had passed too quickly. Maybe we had taken them for granted, maybe we had taken time for granted. And I'm like starting to have withdrawal symptoms from their absence. Anyway, I hope they get Guild Wars soon. Other than that, we can still Tetrinet!! Sigh we're like geeks united.

This morning, Terence had actually shunned work and took a cab from SGH. He was all prepared to go to work as usual. But upon stepping out of the train station, he saw a line of cabs at the taxi stand and decided that he missed Daniel too much not to go and send him off. So he rushed into a cab and had it sent him to the airport right away. How dramatic. Dan and Terence are such close mates, they're so totally in love with each other. It was painful seeing them part.

Life goes on now. I received my results from school and I'm promoted to Level 2 in my film studies. The problem is I got a module with a bad grade from first semester which is a mistake that had not been rectified since forever. I have to call my lecturer up about that. Not that grades make the most important thing in the world but still, it's quite important >.>

I'm hoping to go for another camera trip before starting school, like to Little India or somewhere colourful. Speaking of cameras, I'm eyeing the Canon EOS 500D. But I.. havenomoney.

Sentosa

2009-06-19T23:00:00.006+08:00

This is the first time ever I've been to Sentosa for the sole purpose of taking pictures. And to make it even more special, I had the privilege to go with Meiyen. Meiyen and I are sort of like kindred spirits. Only both of us would bother to travel just for the sake of photography.

So we met early on a Monday morning and headed for Sentosa. For a full three hours, we strolled along Siloso and Palawan beach. The sky was clear and the sun offered optimal lightning for our pictures.

These are just few of what I took. There are some pictures that need some editing, as much as I hate to edit. Despite the fact that I had enjoyed my walk, I didn't think I was 'on form' that day with the camera. My pictures were not well taken. Same went for church camp. Certain pictures didn't turn out as well as I had hoped for them to be. I think I just need more practice.

This cross was given to me many many years ago by Miss Alicia Boo. I wonder if she still remembers this cross. On the little piece of paper are the words "Because He came" written on it. That is why this is one of the most, if not the most meaningful gift ever given to me. And why is it on this post? Thats because I carried the cross all the way to Sentosa (not that its very heavy) and planted it by the beach for this picture.