Hurt.
Now I know how it feels like to be on the receiving end. Sometimes it pays to be honest but mostly, it doesn't. I for one, am someone who doesn't have the habit of keeping things to myself.
Was it wrong of me to have been honest about that insecurity, that competence I felt lacking to be what I should have been.
Well, firstly, I will not deny that I was childish and rash. But perhaps, considering the past experiences I've had with comparison issues, you might like to understand that I have an acute fear of comparison. You see, I have been brought up to think that I am simply inferior. Through my teenage years, I carry the mentality of an inferior person, seemingly unable to meet the standards of almost anyone.
So if that doesn't justify the doubts I have about myself, I don't know what will. I have no intention of giving up, therefore I was honest. If I wanted to up and run, I would have done so without anyone's knowledge. But some moments are hard to get through when you wrestle with the thought that someone out there is better.
I did not throw a tantrum. But if truth hurts, it just exudes it's bitterness and I can't have control over it. And just because one is hurt at what I say, it doesn't mean I had just deliberately threw a tantrum to hurt that person.
I know trials come to make us stronger and sufferings to build faith. But pointing the finger at me and chiding me to grow up isn't going to help. As much as I will understand the feelings of others, I will expect others to do the same.
Again. I am not some brat who throws a tantrum for fun.
