I don't know where to begin. But school is just disappointment after disappointment. My pitch for diploma film didn't get picked. Fine. Now there's another directing exercise which I wanted to use as an opportunity to DP. Of course it was just wishful thinking. Now I don't even get my second choice which is to edit one of the exercises. I've been thrown into sound, the most shunned role of all. I'm trying to take it positively though it's not really taking any disappointment away. Should I have gone to compete to be one of the directors? Maybe I should.
Somehow I feel like I've achieved nothing for the past 3 semesters. All I did was an acceptable solo last semester. Thats all. There's nothing for me to be proud of. Some people think I'm just being hard on myself. That might be true. I confess I'm my worst judge.
I having like full blown PMS this month. It's probably the worst in my entire life. I'm super irritable. My mood swings are horrible. And I caught a cold which thankfully is going away. I'm being anti-social. Because it's probably good for my screenwriting at this point and also because I can't fake smiles. People don't seem to think I should be disappointed for some reason.
At some point today I remembered the song "Give them all to Jesus". I think that's the only place I can find peace. Perhaps all the disappointment is given to make me return to Him. Whatever it is, the LORD is my refuge and strength, my portion in times of need.
