It's over a month since I last blogged, over a month since I even saw my blog. Yes it has been a bit hellish trying to cope with school, work and a mountain-load of other commitments which I haven't been fulfilling well. Let's just say I'm human.
Grandpa is very ill in hospital. Over the last few months, he has been suffering the effects of renal failure. He was hospitalised and discharged, well but still weak. Then he lost his appetite totally. He refused to eat and became weaker. 2 weeks ago, he starting bleeding somewhere in his digestive tract, so we had him sent back to the hospital. Then everything started falling apart. He was diagnosed with TB, now he has lung infection and his kidneys are threatening to shut down. His blood pressure dropped tremendously and doesn't seem to be coming back up.
It hurts to see a loved one in bed with tubes and machines around him, and to see him clinging on to life, trying to hold on to it but losing grip, or trying to let it go but it wouldn't leave just yet.
This evening, he was transferred to the ICU. At first he was in the normal ward. After he was diagnosed with TB, they isolated him. Now he's going a step further into the ICU. Tonight, he will be going through dialysis. The doctors said it's a simple procedure but due to my grandpa's low blood pressure and weak body, the risk of heart attack and passing away is much higher. I fear for his life.
I prayed but I dare not ask God to bring him back home to us. I had thought then when he was sent back to hospital the second time that he may never return. Now, it takes a miracle to bring him back, a miracle I dare not ask for. I can only beg God to give him joy even as he suffers now. I know that little hymn the folks like to sing in Hokkien which says "take my hand and lead me". I know God is leading him.
I love you grandpa.
