I haven't stepped in here for such a long time, it's actually record-breaking. Nevertheless, my life has been preoccupied with filming, the usual. We had been keeping to inhumane hours for our thesis films, which we had been working on since last year. I did mention that I didn't have my December holidays right?
Now that the bulk of it is over (obviously because of that I had found the time to blog), I'm now busy trying to repay sleep debt. That would be about 60 hours on top of my usual 7 hours each day. I haven't been doing that very well because I'm wonderfully involved in post-production as well. Charming, isn't it? Don't get me wrong. I know I sound all cynical and like I hate life but no. I do enjoy post-production, the artistic part that is. The technical part is always confusing.
Anyway, how had production been for me? I had been asked many times and I give a standard answer, not good. I wonder if it's just pride and discontentment. I don't think so. I can't be happy about a production with which the crew isn't happy with the director, with one crew member actually stomping off the set. And I happened to be the co-producer. All I could do was try to keep it together, along with my sanity. I almost exploded on the last day. At the end of production, I am left disillusioned. Perhaps I shouldn't even have been a producer to start with. Right now, I'm just trying not to take things personally and take offense at anyone.
The next set had its equal share of drama, but of different nature. They broke the lens that came with the camera. They broke the slate. There were cold-war moments. People had PMS here and there but it was all good. The extras basically formed the live of the set if there was any at all.
I wasn't on the third group but I heard a lot of bad things. I was on for just a night and I dreaded it.
Fourth group. I don't know what to say. I guess it was the least negative of them all but there was like bad air going around. People don't like each other. There was impatience with each other. And people were all tired.
At the end of it, most people had worked on and off set for 28 days straight without a day's rest. Somehow, on the thesis productions, everyone's bad side came on. So most of us have had conflicts with other people, whether they were open or not. And its sad that most of us are leaving school vowing to ourselves never to work with some of our classmates ever.
The ultimate lesson that was reinforced for me in school is that if we make a film, we live out its principles on our lives. For example, if I make a film about love and yet show no love or respect for my crew members, then what's the point of making it. I'm just being a hypocrite. The other lesson is that manpower cannot be compromised and pride simply ruins the film. I've a camera team who is protective of the monitor and wants to keep the monitor for themselves. Now, the footage has equipment and wires in shot.
These couple of weeks is just witnessing a misfortune after another on set and crew members blaming each other for it. My production had to pay extra expenses due to an accident and parking fines. On top of that I hear claims about the director changing the script on the fly. I am so unhappy that I am seriously considering a full pull-out from that film.
So far, it just sounds like I'm complaining. Well yes I am. Was there anything to be thankful for? I had tried to look for anything to be thankful for but there's almost nothing. I could think of one and that is at least I know a couple of people I could still rely on in filmmaking.
I am thankful for timely reminders to keep it together. A couple of times I was reminded in church and bible study not to deal with matters with my own wisdom. The reminders were so real, it felt like it was directly addressed to me. That shook me a bit. But once I returned to school, I knew my temper was waiting to flare and I was judging people.
As though school wasn't challenging enough, I've had to endure cold wars at home. Usually when that happens, I'll escape somewhere else. A war zone isn't home at all. So currently, there is a cold war at home, where everyone thinks the rest of the family is wrong and only he/she is right. And the latest war is over the cat. It sounds ridiculous as I say it but yes, now my family is at war because of the cat which my parents made clear that I brought home.
It annoys me that when all is well, everyone claims credit for treating the cat well. But when 'calamity' befalls because of the cat, it's my fault and my responsibility to clear the mess. It's their cat during the good times and my cat during the bad. Therefore I'm putting my cat up for adoption again. She's about a year old now. If anyone trustworthy is willing to keep her, I'll give her away.
I'm not proud of my family. It pains me to say it. I know my mom tries to keep it together. But for my dad and my grandmother I can't say the same. I don't know what's wrong with them. I can only deduce that they are ruled by pride. They are two of the most judgmental people I've ever known in my life.
Personally, it still feels like everything I do is wrong. I know my family have been complaining that I'm not home most of the time during the period I was shooting the thesis films. Well, they will see even less of me now. Until war is over.
I really hope to spend more time with God. Maybe I'm very affected by the circumstances around me because I haven't spent much time with Him.
