I'm not so sure about that yet. But I'm pretty sure of what I want and I just have to learn to stop compromising too much.
Last week, we shot a grand Gaggenau event and part of the first episode of Mobile Chef. This has nothing to do with my personal work. This is my full-time job. And having shot that, I'm pretty sure I can't stand high-lifestyle TV. I may tolerate it a little more if my pay was triple what it is now.
So last Wed, while shooting the recipes to be served on the grand event, I ate about a hundred bucks worth of white truffle. Yes, that was the theme ingredient for the event. I fell sick the next day. Not that there's any correlation but its just nice to juxtapose these two facts together to put my point across. I ate food prepare by one of Asia's top chefs in one of the top 20 restaurants in Asia that contained white truffle. They like to call it perks of the job. But none of it had impressed me, at all.
CVA is absolutely a challenge. Because we have no bright ideas, yet.
Emotions have taken a bit of a roller coaster ride in writing a short film to discourage teens from pre-marital sex. I still got the post Nefarious effect on me. And I think I've reached a point in my life (sadly only at this age and only 12 years after the trigger incident) where I know what self worth is, where I understood what value the temple of God holds. I haven't understood it fully but I know what it is.
For such a long time, I threw myself away because I thought if someone loved me, he would show me physical love. If someone thought I was beautiful, he would show me physical love. If none of that came, it just means I'm unattractive. This mentality and how I was taken many years back totally ruled and ruined all my relationships and had the potential to ruin my life. But I know what respect and valuing a person is now.
Maybe its because I've learnt to put some value on myself after so many years of feeling worthless. I still get that sometimes. Not easy being in environments where you look at other women and admire their purity and think why anyone would choose you over them. But that's fine. I know it won't matter to the person who truly loves me and value me for who I am now.
To guys or men out there who take advantage of girls, you just have no idea what you're destroying.
I don't think I've shared something this intimate here but if I can't tell my story at all, I can't make any film. And I heard this in church today: that God allowed this to befall me because He knew he could trust me with the scars. I want to honour the trust.
